20 replies to this topic

[Aeseric]

Hello


I am trying to create a short, semi-satirical, crude, film that portrays the war between the genders.

Below is my plot summary. Please read it and tell me if you can imagine it becoming a good short film.



Intro:

Susan and Harry are a loving married couple. Although he genuinely loves her, Harry cheats on Susan one day. Susan is furious, and promptly divorces. A few months pass in the chronology of the film.

Rising:

Susan is driving to attend a cotillion at her in-laws house. As a gift, she takes a very expensive and alcoholic champagne bottle. Susan, being a woman, is a horrible driver. On the drive to the in-laws house, she crashes into Harry on a deserted road over a bridge. The crash is devastating; both their cars are damaged excessively. Surprisingly, neither Harry nor Susan is remotely injured.

Both of them get out to examine the wreckage. They are shocked to see each other after so long. Susan realizes she never got revenge on Harry for cheating.

Climax:

This is when Susan unleashes her conniving and callous womanly skills. She is shocked after seeing her adulterous husband after so many years, but decides to capitalize on the situation. Susan begins a long monologue about how their marriage was meant to be. She states how both cars are wrecked, yet both humans are unscathed. After so many years, they met in such a grave circumstance. To finish off, Susan ends her elaborate monologue with a remark to the champagne still in her car. “Look, I even have some champagne to celebrate this moment.” She prepares an improvised toast to Harry, commenting on how the marriage was meant to be because the signs are undeniable, and how the heavens chose to repair it after so long.

Harry, being a feeble minded man, follows all of this. He pounces on the opportunity for some classy and expensive alcohol. The two embrace, and Harry promptly swigs down half the bottle. He hands it to Susan to finish the other half.
Susan grabs the bottle from Harry and tosses it into the river hundreds of feet below. Harry is baffled.
“What was that! Aren’t you going to drink it?” he asks
“No… but I am going to wait for the cops to arrive” she coyly replies.


Closing:
Susan gets off the charge of being the primary collision vehicle. The blame is put on Harry after his illegally high blood-alcohol level. He suffers a heavy fine, and is arrested for drunk driving.

FIN





What do you guys think?

Edited by Asterix, 21 January 2012 - 12:09 PM.

[Cerb]

Belongs in the Creative Corner, for one. But it's good. Granted, it took me a grand total of two minutes to get past the seventh sentence because I was laughing so hard, but It's good.

[st pauli]

I have heard it before should be in the joke section

[Best for Hire]

Good, have you decided if your going to film this yet?

[Watson]

Belongs in the Creative Corner

[Boost!]

It's cool man, but I can't help but feel Susan is the bitch in all of this.. I know cheating is wrong and all.

Maybe Harry can beat Susan a bit?..

[Dev J Chand]

One small plot mein twist:
Susan is given the champagne. She politely refuses, and says that he can have the rest. He gets a bit suspicious, but he decides to drink the rest. Susan then takes an excuse, and moves off.
In a few minutes, police arrive at the place. They see that he standing with a bottle, and is really drunk. Since he had drunk more than half the champagne bottle, he couldn't drive the car away. The police arrest him.
Meanwhile, Susan observes this from a booth nearby. She watches as he comically tries to break away from the police's hands.
Then, she walks away, and calls a taxi.
The End.

[Aeseric]

I thank everyone for their invaluable feedback. It is much appreciated.

Edited by Asterix, 22 January 2012 - 08:35 AM.

[Grim]

Spoiler

Susan wasn't real. She's just an image of Harry's dead wife in his head, who died in a car accident years ago, which Harry could've prevented if he took the car to get the brakes checked that day as promised, but he was cheating on his wife with his secretary. Not being able to cope with the weight, Harry decides to commit suicide by driving off a bridge. The police walking him away in cuffs represent that in his death, he will eternally be locked down by the consequences of his unkept promise and the resulting alcoholism, instead of getting over the issue and dedicate his life to his children.
Susan was just an excuse, hallucinated by Harry to make his suicide easier.

What an asshole.

[Best for Hire]

Spoiler

Susan wasn't real. She's just an image of Harry's dead wife in his head, who died in a car accident years ago, which Harry could've prevented if he took the car to get the brakes checked that day as promised, but he was cheating on his wife with his secretary. Not being able to cope with the weight, Harry decides to commit suicide by driving off a bridge. The police walking him away in cuffs represent that in his death, he will eternally be locked down by the consequences of his unkept promise and the resulting alcoholism, instead of getting over the issue and dedicate his life to his children.
Susan was just an excuse, hallucinated by Harry to make his suicide easier.

What an asshole.

If there were a narrator saying all that dialogue at the end, he should say say "What an asshole" as well!

[branco18]

I would not go into deep ... I would play with stereotype...


Every day same breakfast and also dinner.
No sex in bed. Just book reading, shower and sleeping.
Short dialogs...

Then dialog about how they hate to live like this and they will try to change it. How funny can be breaking sterotype? There can be many jokes around this.

[Watson]

Is this actually a planned film you'd like to make?

[Aeseric]

Is this actually a planned film you'd like to make?

Yes it is. Why do you ask?

[abeg]

I like it as it is, I enjoyed it. I couldn't see what was coming and it was exciting all the way. Producing this would be the most importent part to make it successful. When reading this I pictured myself something similar to the beginning of Johnny Depps movie Secret Window where emotions/reactions and the enviroment plays a bigger part then actual dialogues, kinda like an Intro, but maybe that was because I also read Grim's continue. But it was a nice story. Sometimes over here in my country they show some of these small move clips that comes on unexpectedly, gives you a kind of wtf moment, what did I just watch. This story is perfect for that.

Edited by abeg, 31 January 2012 - 09:48 AM.

[Aeseric]

Thank you for your insight, Abeg. Check out "Agent 47 Metamorphosis" if you find the time.

[Watson]

Yes it is. Why do you ask?

Simply interested in whether you are a member of a film school for example, or whether this is just a hobby project. The story is short, but interesting. Although I would like to know how you plan to recreate the car accident, as that's probably the most challenging visual element of the film.

Edited by Watson, 01 February 2012 - 12:52 AM.

[Aeseric]

Simply interested in whether you are a member of a film school for example, or whether this is just a hobby project. The story is short, but interesting. Although I would like to know how you plan to recreate the car accident, as that's probably the most challenging visual element of the film.

Thank you for your feedback.

That's precisely it. As you may have have inferred from some of my other posts I am a hobbyist VFX artist who is in the field just to kill time rather than for commercial purposes.

The story is short deliberately, its a 5-6 minute satirical comedy. Unless I can get ahold of my intended actor for the character of Susan, I may decide to animate this entire thing. Animating it would allow for more versatility, and would eliminate the car crash problem.


If I choose to do a live action, I may just use some 3d models and quick camera cuts. Some of my earlier tests are below in case you'd like to see a very underwhelming look at my VFX prowess.

Pardon the crudity, I remind you that these are tests from years ago.

Firebending

Lightsabers

Realistic Pistolero

Edited by Asterix, 01 February 2012 - 07:18 PM.

[Watson]

All the best for your film project then.

[Aeseric]

Much appreciated

[Choronzon]

Will you be posting actual pages from the script as well? I'm not all interested in gross-out romantic comedies (I'll take Enchanted over that any day of the week), but I am interested to see your dialogues and descriptions of things.