So I got over my contract block after a couple ideas popped into my head but who the hell knows if they're actually all that good. I'll give a rundown of each though in case anybody's looking for Featureds.
NOTE ON THE BONUSES: That stuff's all optional. I'll probably record runs with all those restrictions on because I hate myself but they're to be totally ignored if you're just going for straight time. I too have attempted to set times for the sake of time but most of them suck and are halfassed. If you wanna try 'em though (because you're bored with speedruns, I dunno), by all means.
Butchered That Chord (Bangkok): 1-08-3906432-02
THEME: Single Target Race
OBJECTIVE: Throw a Cleaver at Heidi Santoro, preferably without getting caught.
PRIMARY CHALLENGE: Getting from the Cleaver to Heidi's skull, which can be a little tricky if the most obvious disguise is used. Also the damn cameras because this is Bangkok.
SECONDARY BONUSES: Don't get anyone else involved, be as ballsy as possible, and clean up after yourself.
WHY THIS CONTRACT IS COOL: Heidi isn't that difficult a target, but it requires knowing how her AI works to dispose of her quickly. The Cleaver requirement stymies the typical Crew start because the only Cleaver on Bangkok is nowhere near the band's area. It's easy to find, but not necessarily easy to get to the target, and which way gets to the target and then to an exit fastest is another matter.
Kicking & Screaming (Paris): 1-02-2180952-02
THEME: Freeform Fiber Wire
OBJECTIVE: Wire four layabouts in and around the basement.
PRIMARY CHALLENGE: None of the targets are alone, and most are not the easiest lure of the people they are around. Some of them see through disguises, or are near people who do. Three are outside, though not far outside.
SECONDARY BONUSES: Don't use disguises, clean up after yourself, and only bring what the contract requires (though making use of things found on-site is fine).
WHY THIS CONTRACT IS COOL: You can't just run up and wire everybody, so routing isn't the only concern in setting a good time. The targets need to be moved or the people who can see them need to not be looking at them, but doing that inefficiently will waste time. Also it's a Paris contract and Paris contracts are automatically good.
No More Mister Knife Guy (Sapienza): 1-03-8217355-02
THEME: Baffling Knife Juggling Act (Figuratively & Literally)
OBJECTIVE: Connect five knives to five skulls.
PRIMARY CHALLENGE: The actual kills are no problem, but getting the knives and traversing the mansion in some semblance of a correct order will be the primary factor. One of the targets is not in the mansion but can be made to go there while you're doing other stuff, but that either requires a specific start or a diversion.
SECONDARY BONUSES: Don't do it with the easy disguises, clean up after yourself, and move around the mansion in your suit like you own the place (you don't though, Silvio Caruso still does).
WHY THIS CONTRACT IS COOL: I may have been in an altered state of consciousness when I devised this and I have no idea what the best route or fastest possible time is. It's probably way faster than I've managed to do it. Also it rewards people who know where some of the weapons are in advance, as a few bits of information can expand possible start locations and routing. Whether those routings are any good is another matter.
The ABCs of Murder (Sapienza): 1-03-1887300-02
THEME: Shameless Repost / Alphabetized Targets
OBJECTIVE: Kill some people. I don't care how.
PRIMARY CHALLENGE: They're all over the place. None of them are terribly hard to kill though.
SECONDARY BONUSES: Technically none. But how good is your eyesight? Just curious.
WHY THIS CONTRACT IS COOL: It can be done extremely quickly, though it's not immediately obvious how or why unless you're the sort of person who would do this contract extremely quickly.
The Horror (of Challenge Unlocks) (Bangkok): 1-08-9409535-02
THEME: Cruel Joke
OBJECTIVE: Poison two familiar faces and Janbiya a third.
PRIMARY CHALLENGE: Grinding the unlocks to make it possible to SA this contract.
SECONDARY BONUSES: Don't do it cheaply, don't do it sloppily, and don't get caught even when you're allowed to.
WHY THIS CONTRACT IS COOL: Actually, this contract sucks, so it's at least as qualified as What Just Happened? Except it sucks for purely non-mechanical reasons and is literally impossible without a specific loadout which just makes it mean-spirited and therefore hilarious. Picture a half-dozen Twitch streamers loudly swearing and asking where the Janbiya and second Poison Syringe are on Bangkok. That's quality schadenfreude.
@Travis_IOI @mendietinha @Pagan @Fortheseven @theWizard @fkgfw @Urben @o_O @Bending_Cheese67 @cjgarof and whoever else I forgot on the PC crew.