Agent 47 is coming to kill you! How do you stay alive?


Thought this would be a fun thing for the forum.

Agent 47 is coming to kill you (you must have really pissed someone off…). How do you protect yourself and stay alive as long as possible, in as much detail as possible.

Easy mode: You have a large budget of a few million so can hire security and take special measures etc.

Hard mode: You only have the resources you have with you right now, so unless you are pretty rich, you can’t get any crazy security.


I don’t. I just accept my fate and feel honored.


I’ll kill myself


I fake my own death as an accident and change my identity. It’s the only way I think.


i’ll make up a stupid story about how we are brothers but he cant remember - he is an Idiot who believes stupid shit like that :ok_hand:


Get naked and aim my hairy gorilla asshole at the door and when he enters I say “want a piece of this pretty boy?” And while he’s in shock I kick him right in the nads and then kill him


Here’s my strategy:

  • Always making sure that I don’t walk through oil or water puddles
  • Looking upstairs before entering a room. If there’s a chandolir or another heavy object under the ceiling I’ll make sure to not walk under it.
  • I don’t smoke, but if I do I would make sure not to stand in an oil puddle or next to a leaking gas lamp/oven.
  • Always carrying water and food on my person. Only eat/drink from those. Defiantly not accept eating food offered to me by a friendly “vendor”.
  • Looking the door behind me if I go to the bathroom. Also making sure that there are no wardrobes or boxes inside the bathroom someone could hide inside.
  • Staying away from balconies.
  • NOT going to a remote area if I suddenly feel sick and have the urge to puke. Instead I’m going to puke in public.
  • Never talk to people alone. Always making sure that there are at least three other people, who have me in their line of sight.
  • Carrying a gun and shooting the strange bald man that follows me around.


As 47 approaches me I appear calm and collected and I simply explain to him that I was not the intended target it was a set-up engineered by a one-armed man. As he is distracted I reach for a blunt object I narrowly missed in a masterful feint. I then lead 47 on a widespread chase that ends that slowly depletes the ammo for his gun soon I wind up with him holding me up at gun point while We are at a dam’s out-pour tunnel. I then proceed to a Peter Pan right of the dam since think death on my own terms is preferable. I narrowly survive and I proceed to collect a sizable reward from a pool I made with my mate I then change my identity, hope in my cherry red convertible and jet off to Barbados with a smug grin on my face.


I don’t know man. He strangles people while pissing and then takes the clothes and puts them on.
I doubt a hairy asshole disturbs him.


How delightfully Northern Territory that plan is.

Do you say “47’s got nards!” as he goes down?


Bro you know 47 then puts his baller in your ass and blows you organs apart from the inside right?

Nothing to see here


you guys dont understand

he will be staring into the abyss and the abyss back at him

entranced, he will be unable to retaliate when I attack

theres no way he can escpae my trap


I would walk under multiple chandeliers, and make sure I leave loose electricity wires/plugs right next to water faucets. And if I see a coin on the ground, I will immediately attempt to pick it up without looking at my surroundings.


Find out who the client is, send a false message to the Agency pretending that I’m the client, that I’ve changed my mind, not in cancelling the contract but changing the target, and redirect 47 at the closest loved one of the real client. I live, whoever wanted me dead suffers for it, and if they get mad, what are they gonna do? Kill 47? Bring down the ICA? Get freaking real.


They’ll put another hit out on you dummy, and they’ll tell the ICA this time not to cancel the contract no matter what anybody says

This is a flawed plan


Uh I would just create hundreds of contracts on myself and while 47 fights wave upon waves the poor sods I just slip away to Bonaire and go snorkelling with the sea turtles.


Somehow doubt that.

A) they’ll be too distraught for a while, and

B) exactly how credible will they be with ICA after such a snafu? They would probably refuse the contract. In any event, I only redirected their own contract to their loved one because it would have seemed too fishy to redirect it to themselves. Now that they’re contract is completed, I put one up of my own for the actual client who wanted me dead, and 47 kills them at their loved one’s funeral and buries them in the same coffin. Use some logic, will ya!


I would hire a dominatrix, flood my room, then electroknock him out. Then I would make sure he died.

Skurky could have easily killed him


I would just knock him out as he tries to chock me despite the fact that I am a fat bastard. I would knock him out, say cliche Boss Hoss styled dialogue and ham it up, then frame him for murder and then frame him for arson instead of killing him


I would climb into the nearest cupboard or wardrobe and knock myself unconscious.