Best NPC quotes


Guards searching for 47
"What are you chicken Mcfly" that’s some retro shit right dere


‘What in the fargly HE double hockey sticks is that doing here?’


“Now that is a very white suit!” Really? I’d never have guessed…


“Please, don’t kill me ! I just got married, I was about to finally discover the joys of love !”


“Oh my god, it’s Pitbull!”


“Oh, this isn’t happening! I had too much cheese.”


“Please don’t kill me, I-I just had my teeth done, see!” Good fucking excuse.


“Sir, don’t do that, it’s, strange.”

“Sir, stop acting like that, or I’ll have to take action!”

“Didn’t you mama teach you manners?”

“Do you beat kids too?”



“Sooo, anywayy… long story short, that’s when I realized I had real talent.”



That’s fucking brilliant.


“I’m not a pervert. Dammit, I am a collector!”

Okay, so it’s the wrong game, but: I’ve been catching myself up on the earlier installments of the franchise, and discovered that the comic relief NPC thing really started in Absolution. The phone call the Hope DA makes when court is in recess absolutely kills me:



My absolute favourite NOC in the game is the one guy in Colorado who likes to talk about sophisticated ancestral history, and how the guy he’s talking to just happens to be related to FUCKING CONFUSCIUS!


when you press ‘q’ to punch a civilian in the face and he says “CHUCK NORR–” before getting punched and knocked out


“Just you wait until I get my friends down here, mister!”


“Send someone down to deal with this. Yeah, send Ramone, the crisp-eating, donut-licking bastard!”


:no_entry: :mask: :no_entry:


Just heard a new one in Landslide. Bumped into a lady and she said “Do you beat kids too”. Lmao