Best NPC quotes


“Don’t do it. You have a reason to live.” (Spotting a hanging 47)
“No, man. Not a contender for the next Olypmics.” (Spotting an accidental death body)
“Target suffering from Stormtrooper Syndrome.” (Missing too many shots)


Heard a great one in Sapienza recently. It was a bit of conversation between man and woman near the flower shop:

“Have you ever heard about this game? The one about bald barcoded master assassin?”

And I was just passing through all bald and in a suit.

Sadly, I didn’t record it.


Many happy returns! @Chef-assassin

@Serious_Pony - There’s one in Sapienza where a guy on his phone is playing a Hitman game. It’s a bit eerie considering the current circumstances but another one to watch out for. I’ll try and record it next time I’m in Sapi.


“Is that Pit Bull?” Hahahahaha


Remember mc hammer?


Just 2 NPCs discussing that David Bateson should play The Icon instead of Bosco


Apparently 47 doesn’t brush his toofs. Lol




“i’m gonna boycott the movie until they cast bateson”

omfg the ai writers are brilliant, because this was essentially absolution in a nutshell. it would have been even funnier if the guy said he was gonna start an online petition to bring back david bateson

i love how self aware this game is. “it’s only a computer game! it’s only a computer game!” “act your age man! what are you, 46? 48?”


Some guy on the forum got really offended by the Bateson dialogue lololol



I just randomly shout this out at work 2 or 3 times a day… my colleagues keep looking at me like I’m wierd… dunno why :grin:


6:20 the priest says

“I’m on parole, oh shit!”



He must of had an iPhone.


That quote seriously makes me want this one to happen when you’re caught trespassing:


That would be awesome!

I love “Back To The Future” haha Biff is such a dumbass :joy:


Speaking of quotes…

I don’t know if you ever seen the film “The Warriors” but I always thought it would be cool if guards would say “Come out and playyy-aayy!!” If/when 47 would be hiding as guards are looking for you.

(Minus the “Warriors” part.)
But just the guards saying “come out to play” like this…


Encountered this recently but don’t remember which map it was exactly… I set up some explosions, and detonated them without killing anybody.

When listening to NPC reactions, one of them started chanting, “It’s just a game. It’s just a game. It’s just a game.” as if trying to calm himself. It was pretty funny. :slight_smile:


I poisoned a guy with rat poison in Hokkaido and the chef at the counter said something really peculiar that I can’t remember anymore, but I’ve never laughed that much to any NPC quote. I wish I can recreate that, NPC quotes never stop being funny. :heart:


I have not heard this line before, took me by complete surprise. WTF Io. It’s hilarious to think that a real person was paid to say this haha.