Sessions with Lafayette (Serious Discussions Only) - Venting Thread

#357

Hello SilentWraith,

Reading your story, and the things you’ve been through, I’m so pleased you’ve been able to turn your life around. I’ve seen so many cases where people have had your circumstances and in the end, they’re still stuck in that situation, so well done for getting yourself out of it - it can’t have been easy.
I imagine you’ve had to deal with a wide variety of emotions and it would be naïve for me to assume that it’s all okay now, but you’ve moved on and improved your life. This is a new chapter and I’m glad you’ve climbed your way out of the hole you were in.

Keep up the good work, and don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you feel yourself relapsing. Everyone has bad days, and it happens to the best of us.

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#358

Hello Aegis_Chrome,

First of all, I’m sorry you feel this way. Loneliness is a widespread issue that can be just as debilitating as it is prevalent. And in a world where we’re more technologically connected than ever, it seems we’ve never been more socially isolated. Where sending a message used to take a year to travel the globe, but now takes a microsecond, and yet now we think twice about sending that message, for fear of rejection.

It sounds like your trust issues have a lot of reinforcing influences from the various people around you, making it difficult to work on them when the way the others behave only prolongs your issues. Often trust issues manifest themselves in being too quick to trust people, then feeling betrayed when they don’t honor that trust, resulting in them isolating themselves and deliberately not trusting anyone in the future, to avoid a repeat of the pain. If this sounds like you, I would recommend a strategy of reminding yourself to keep an emotional distance when first meeting people, and to consider whether you can trust them, before you begin to do so. While this may not resolve your situation with your mother, it will hopefully prevent prematurely trusting (and so emotionally investing) in people when it’s too early to tell if they will honor that trust.

It might suit you to change the people around you (specifically the bad friends you mentioned) by joining a club or society, and surrounding yourself with new people that don’t make you feel bad. I know that the social deficits of Asperger’s, and the sensitivity to being bombarded in large groups of people, may make this difficult for you. I would recommend starting off small, like with an online forum, and perhaps advancing to larger groups with more face-to-face exposure. Being surrounded by people who make you feel like you’re attention-seeking and don’t take you seriously creates a negative feedback loop that is difficult to ignore, so I think getting to know new people (particularly in person) will be a breath of fresh air as you’ll be able to see the joy they derive from being around you.

Regarding your self-loathing, I would first say that having an autism spectrum disorder is not your fault, and it doesn’t make you any less of a person for having it. And while you may struggle with social cues and order of processing, there are far worse things you could have, that would effect how people view you. Whenever people ‘confess’ to me that they have autism, I always say “Is that it?” because they say it like it’s an infectious disease. It’s not a pleasant disorder to have, but if anyone decides to judge you negatively, purely based on you having it, then that says more about them then it does about you. And do you really want the approval of people who are that ignorant and narrow-minded? The same goes for your looks. I obviously have never seen what you look like, but I can guarantee I wouldn’t care if you were a supermodel or an elephantiasis patient. As humans, we can’t help being bias at who we like and don’t like looking at, but if you’ve got a great personality and you’re really interesting to talk to, am I really going to avoid you because you’ve got a weird hair cut, or an unusual face? No. And anyone who thinks otherwise, will miss out on the good memories they would have had with you.

I’ll end by recognising that the people saying you’re attention-seeking and trying to judge you have obviously had an affect on you, to the extent that you’re starting to believe them. It’s important that you know that just because everyone around you tells you something, doesn’t make it true. There was a time when everyone said the Earth was flat, and look how that panned out. You know yourself better than anyone else, because you’re the one living your life and thinking your thoughts.

I can tell from your post that you’re humble, articulate and mature. I know that, I’ve not even met you. So if you’re able to exude that from some writing on a screen, I’ve no doubt that you’re capable of much more - when you’re in an environment where you feel comfortable to just be you. Don’t worry what everyone else thinks. Their approval isn’t wanted or needed, and equally, their disapproval isn’t a physical entity. It can’t harm you if they silently judge you. We’re judged no matter what we do, so just live your life and be yourself. I know that’s easier said than done, but I think working on your social skills, meeting new people and making real friends will go a long way to changing the way you view yourself.

If you’d like to discuss this in further detail, please know that you can PM me any time.

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#359

That was certainly a comprehensive reply, thank you so much for taking the time to write it.

While I don’t have the time right now to write a full reply, just wanted to say that this really helped and thank you :slight_smile:, I’ll take what you said to heart

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#360

You are my new hero!

#361

What the :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: is wrong with people!? Ordering pizza to a adress where they know the owner is on holiday, just so they can steal a pizza!?
How low is it possible to sink, morally I mean.

Good to hear you are alright, what an aweful experince that must have been.

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#362

A hero? What have I done to deserve this?

#363

You’re just a very well thought out, considerate and sincere dude

#364

Thank you for that, but I’m nothing special.

#365

I do feel a bit better. The fact that the attack wasn’t personal helps I think, the way the shop runs it is just first come first serve when it comes to taking out deliveries, so it could of been any of the other drivers in my situation. I must admit though, I do feel a bit more paranoia with certain deliveries, and sometimes when I’m walking down a street with my order, I see someone in my perphiral vision and I get momentarily scared.

To be honest, I’ve never been happy really through my whole life, and this incident hasn’t changed much for me I don’t think me. I just feel tired and apathetic alot of the time, and that incident has just made me feel like that more after the initial shock. I do like the job I have but 6 nights a week is getting tiring, and I want something that is just 5 days with stable hours, but I only have entry level skills. I just feel like I’m in a big rut in general and just try not to think about it.

Yeah, it was only £50 worth of food for 3 people, £40 if they waited until the next day. I wonder if they did it more for the thrill that the prize.

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#366

Gotten into a fight, getting my stuff taken away. I’ll see ya next time.

Signing off, Markie.

EDIT: Getting my phone back on a part time basis; just don’t expect anything on the weekend.

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#367

I’ve been getting better from my depressing thoughts since last year, but I just wanted to talk about 3 things:

So I first want to talk about school and how it effects me
I usually get teased at school for being short and always hanging around girls because I don’t like to do sport and run around the grass area or whatever, and I usually ignored it, but it’s been racing around my mind recently and I decided to eat a little bit healthier because, although people call me skinny, I often have a gut and I really don’t eat much fruit and veggies

I’m still concerned about my height: a lot of people make fun of me for it and I don’t know what to do since you obviously don’t grow 10cm taller overnight. I read that eating healthier and getting vitamin D helps, and while I’m choosing to eat better, I often get extremely tired, get stitches (not literally) after physical activity and sometimes almost completely give up

Second, I want to talk about social media: this one doesn’t hurt me too much, but it does run around my mind every once and a while: when I was generally commenting on posts on Instagram or whatever, people always came at me and were racist, using my race as an insult (I’m half Filipino). I’ve changed my avatar, made my account private and removed all footage of my actual face so I don’t get those comments anymore, but I thought I’d just get it out

Third is probably the one I think about the most: love. I know everyone says that I should be focusing on other things at this age, and I am trying to, but I can’t stop thinking about this one particular person and it’s driving me crazy because I keep telling myself that it’s unhealthy to like someone who already has a crush on someone else.

I genuinely want to stop thinking about her, but I really can’t. Does anyone have advice for what I should particularly do in this scenario

Other than this, I’m just fine. Thanks to everyone who does respond, it means a lot :slightly_smiling_face:

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#368

I understand what you’re going through; it’s common around people of your age.
Those who tease for being short or hanging around girls speak empty words, and they only say this because they want to hurt you. You have to understand that there’s nothing wrong with how you are, and if anything, there’s something wrong with them, feeling forced to judge you knowing that no one is perfect, especially not them.
Regarding social media and racist insults, you shouldn’t get so worried about insults on the Internet. Those who use racist insults have an outdated and incorrect mindset and you should be proud of being half Filipino, even if they insult you for that.
Regarding that girl that you like, even if she has a crush already, it’s okay to think that way. You can like anyone no matter if they like someone else or not, however, you need to accept that maybe, she’s not interested in you. But if anything wrong happens, be there for her, and support her. She may not think about you like you think about her, but she’ll still have a soft spot for you.
And girlfriends come and go; you have to be completely sure if the girl you like is the one or not. If she isn’t, then there’s no need for you to worry so much for her. It’s alright. It’s normal.

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#369

Sorry I know it’s late but I just thought I would check in on this thread.

The height thing is one of those things that people at school will make fun of you for. I had a bit of a rough time in my school days and especially when I was 14 I learned to be self-aware and expect that people have their own issues going on and they feel that their issues are deflected by taking the piss out of you. I know that isn’t very helpful but what I would suggest is coming to terms with the fact that not everyone is gonna like who you are and that’s completely fine, if everyone likes you you are doing something wrong. I wouldn’t meddle too much with the diet either, as long as you have a tight group of friends who you can have a good time with you don’t need to worry about the bullies who are likely more anxious than you are about stuff.

Regarding this girl I get what you mean. I had a couple of crushes in school who I knew i couldn’t get with but I couldn’t stop thinking about them. As long as you don’t put the girl on a pedestal and make them out to be some queen then it’s all good. There are plenty of people out there and there is no point forcing yourself into trying to get with people because you will never truly like them anyway. Relationships in my eyes should be an effortless and joyful experience and I wouldn’t worry too much. As long as you show you are there for her then you are firstly being a nice person and secondly showing that she always has you to fall back on but don’t actively try and force anything.

I hope this helps I don’t know your situation well but you just gotta try not to worry about stuff. The universe will always correct itself :slight_smile:

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#371

I for one can speak about the height thing.
I can say that it could always make me uncomfortable in certain situations but i learned to adapt.

Portray your inner confidence and be proud of yourself. Always have a firm back and carry yourself showing that you love yourself. Then you’ll never be uncomfortable again.

Don’t worry about small comments here and there, bullies are everywhere and will always make comments to impress their surroundings are to press you down.

I could go on and write 10 pages about my encounters with bullies in school, and these were people were 4-6 years older than me. It was only because I didn’t have confidence and I let them press me down more.
I’d say 8/10 if you show them a firm back with your confidence they’ll leave you alone.

Just love yourself, realise that we all are different and that we all go through individuall struggles.
Hope everything works out.

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#372

Hiya. Not easy, is it?! It passes, though, it gets easier.

I got bullied horribly at school, I really feel for you, I did some of the stuff you wrote like hanging around with girls! I can’t offer a magic wand, children can be utterly horrible but it’s mostly that they all have insecurities. Find those who are good to you and be good to them. Height is not a problem. Really it isn’t. In the Grand Scheme of Things it’s not an issue. You are what you are and that is fine, anyone thinks it isn’t then they’re not worth the effort it takes to get upset. Remember school is a bit artificial; lots of people forced into proximity results in friction - but for a limited time.

Firm advice already given on the internet morons. They’re morons. This is what the internet does - humanity can be most unpleasant and online is where some of the worst things come out. Seriously - it’s THEM not you. Think of the way you wrote what you wrote just there and compare it to abusive messages. Which of those do you want to be? Which do you think others want? Obvious, isn’t it? Be cool with that - your writing shows what you are and it’s thumbs-up all the way. Keep a distance, though, decide what to post with a bit of care, you might be excited or passionate and write something about whatever-it-is but if someone rains on your parade that can hurt so don’t post everything you think or feel. It’s still THEM, though, always bear that in mind.

As for crushes . . . they can be quie hard. Who did I get fixated over? My physics teacher, Miss Bellhouse, is the one I remember most. Found it a struggle to concentrate! Then there was Jackie, Catherine, Karen, Sandra . . . changed over the years. Jackie and Catherine were quite good friends and as I look back now that was what was important. Just try and be good to them if you can.

It’s all normal, what you wrote. That is not to demean it, emotions are very strong things, especially when they’re developing. When you’re a cynical middle-aged man like me it takes quite a lot more to get worked up. Point here is it changes and passes.

I find this forum pretty good compared with others. Most seem fairly willing to act honourably. The main social media sites? Forget it, it’s just other people trying to extract money from you and/or tell you how you’re supposed to live.

All the best to you.

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#373

Iwe been constantly anxious, scared and afraid for absolutely no reason for the past few evenings. I have nothing to be afraid of, but i still am. This paired with my insomnia and problems with eating, really makes sleeping hard

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#374

Is it just in the evenings you feel this way?

#375

Yeah, just the evenings. The only way for me to get rid of the fear is to be on my phone and watch youtube or something to get my mind out of the “Freeroam”

#376

So an update on this. Talked to the police, they have managed to catch the guy who did this. It turns out that the guy would actually go on and rob and assault another delivery driver just 2 days after he robbed me. I don’t know the details but apparently that robbery was far more violent, so it seems I might of got of lucky.

Basically, if this goes to court, I might have to attend as a witness. But there is a good chance it won’t go to court, ironically they might give him a plea deal, meaning they drop the charges of his assault against me if he pleads guilty against the assault of the other driver. I guess we’ll see.

I do feel mostly fine after the encounter. It happened so quickly, it is barely a memory anymore. In actuality, the pizza chain I work for is opening another store in a nearby town, and because of that, the address the assault happened will actually be transferred to the new store, meaning I will never have to deliver to that street or anywhere in the town again.

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#377

Glad to hear they caught him. Even more glad to hear that you seem to be doing well with it. Stay strong friend. :sunglasses::+1:

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