I think I have mild anxiety. To be honest, I’ve never realy been happy in my life. I don’t have depression, and certainly I have been sadder earlier in my life, particularly in my late teens when puberty just seemed to hit like a truck. I guess it’s more than I’m unsatisfied I suppose.
I think my issue is that I find it difficult to focus, constantly feel guilty for stupid shit, and that I need to stay in my comfort zone. In real life, I tend to stick to a few select places in my area to go for stuff like groceries, lunch, etc.
I’m currently doing a uni course for The University of Edinburgh and I have to go to classes in the city. I have to attend 7/10 classes or I fail the course, and as such tend to stick to the bare minimum. I think if that requirement wasn’t there, it would wind up being 5/10 for me. Sometimes it’s fine to attend, other times, for no reason, I get very anxious about heading into the city and being in a room with people I don’t know.
I find it difficult to focus on tasks in real life. At the moment, I’ve got studying to do, I’m practicing piano, and I really want to go on a diet. I’m 5’11, 313 pounds, and will be 25 soon, I feel like I need to lose weight before it becomes harder when you get near your thirties. I just struggle on focusing on anything, even stuff like piano sessions where just sitting down to practice a piece for 10 minutes feels like too much. Likewise with studying, I always seem to ignore it and ignore it until the deadline is just days away, and I feel the pressure on me. I’ve been unemployed for over half a year now which sucks and doesn’t do much for my confidence as well.
I don’t know, I just seem to really struggle to get myself together. I mean, I know compared to people with real anxiety that I’m relatively fine, I can leave my house without any stress. I just seem to struggle getting my life together, and always seem to worry I will fail, which makes me not want to attempt anything, making me more likely to fail. And I really want to succeed at this uni course, because if my grades are good enough, I can start an undergraduate course as a mature student for Edinburgh Uni.