Sessions with Lafayette (Serious Discussions Only) - Venting Thread


#195

I think I have mild anxiety. To be honest, I’ve never realy been happy in my life. I don’t have depression, and certainly I have been sadder earlier in my life, particularly in my late teens when puberty just seemed to hit like a truck. I guess it’s more than I’m unsatisfied I suppose.

I think my issue is that I find it difficult to focus, constantly feel guilty for stupid shit, and that I need to stay in my comfort zone. In real life, I tend to stick to a few select places in my area to go for stuff like groceries, lunch, etc.

I’m currently doing a uni course for The University of Edinburgh and I have to go to classes in the city. I have to attend 7/10 classes or I fail the course, and as such tend to stick to the bare minimum. I think if that requirement wasn’t there, it would wind up being 5/10 for me. Sometimes it’s fine to attend, other times, for no reason, I get very anxious about heading into the city and being in a room with people I don’t know.

I find it difficult to focus on tasks in real life. At the moment, I’ve got studying to do, I’m practicing piano, and I really want to go on a diet. I’m 5’11, 313 pounds, and will be 25 soon, I feel like I need to lose weight before it becomes harder when you get near your thirties. I just struggle on focusing on anything, even stuff like piano sessions where just sitting down to practice a piece for 10 minutes feels like too much. Likewise with studying, I always seem to ignore it and ignore it until the deadline is just days away, and I feel the pressure on me. I’ve been unemployed for over half a year now which sucks and doesn’t do much for my confidence as well.

I don’t know, I just seem to really struggle to get myself together. I mean, I know compared to people with real anxiety that I’m relatively fine, I can leave my house without any stress. I just seem to struggle getting my life together, and always seem to worry I will fail, which makes me not want to attempt anything, making me more likely to fail. And I really want to succeed at this uni course, because if my grades are good enough, I can start an undergraduate course as a mature student for Edinburgh Uni.


#196

Gotta say guys, withdrawal from Hitman is pretty painful, especially with the ETs going on. I haven’t unlocked the Signature Suit with Gloves yet and seeing other players doing ETs is torture. I keep lapsing into Katashi-Itos and getting distracted from my work. I still love the game, even though I can’t play it for the rest of the year. I’m trying some side games: Choice of Games series, the Crown and the Flame and Plants vs Zombies, to get me looking away from Hitman. Can’t overdo it though, my academics is the real issue here.


#197

That’s defenitely a great game, try the sequel as well as pvz : heroes as well.
It will keep your seretonin levels up, trust me


#198

Oh goodness do I have a giant lump of depression ready to be typed up.

Two years ago, year five, my sister and I started to realise my mum was going through midlife crisis and started acting more rude towards us, and she started becoming more aware of her looks and used more make-up. A year later, my dad starts to think calling me an idiot for not remembering things and stupid for the littlest things.

Around a year ago as well, my sister dated this guy and only a few months later broke up with him because he turned out to have a criminal record, still smoked, still did drugs, and cheated on my sister. The fact he was on drugs and knew where we lived frightened me to death, and this is what really kicked my depression to start being worse.

February 2018, its the start of high school. A long with the stresses of more teachers, more homework, more assessments (I went from a few in year 6 to 8 in just a few weeks after school started, fml), I started to panic more about trying to look better and be a better person.

Well, lets just say shit hit the fan at this point

End of term 1, I start to realise that everyone likes this person and everyone likes that person, but no one exactly liked me. I was well known for my singing and unique talents, but I didn’t feel like I was loved for my actual personality. This made me feel lonely and I started to stay in my room at home more often.

Oh but it only gets worse! I started hallucinating at home and at school near the start of term 2 because of all my stresses and low self esteem. At this point I’ve also liked and crushed on plenty of people at this point who all rejected me. This lowered my self esteem and encouragement even more and I started to contemplate suicide, and at one night even attempted to end my life in my bedroom by slitting my throat. I cowarded out though

At this point I knew this was serious, and talked to a range of people including my sister, friends, year seven and eight coordinator, and even kids helpline

Eventually I got better because people reassured me, my sister told me her ex wouldn’t hurt us and someone I started talking to after meeting at camp even said they wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with me if we were older, which just blew my mind.

However, recently that same girl has been driving me nuts. I love her, she’s beautiful, kind, funny and just amazing. However, she said she’s not allowed to date until she’s 18 and is in year 12, which obviously upset me. I still like her though, and I honestly am going to wait those five long years for her. I have a chance with her as well, so that makes me feel better.

Oh also my parents are still rude. So yeah, that’s still bringing me down


#199

Buddy, it’s awful being that young and having your parents being rude to you plus the other stuff going around. As good measure, it seems your sister and pals really love ya and are willing to cheer you up and make you look at the bright side.

On the suicide part, it isn’t worthy to kill yourself over stuff you arent’ guilty of or don’t have any actual control over it. It’s better to slowly start finding ways around those issues and calmly start to face them when you feel ready, one step at the time. And don’t worry about not finding that special person yet 'cause you eventually will, given there is an specific one for all what you are, but give it time.


#200

Thanks buddy, I appreciate it.


#201

Never posted in this thread.

I have massive fucking anxiety issues. I’m also an antisocial person. I don’t like having conversations with people that last longer than five minutes. I’m trying to be more social and it’s slowly (very slowly) kind of working. Any tips on how to overcome some of this shit?


#202

Practice talking alone. Worked for me, plus try thinking of stuff people might want to talk. Search for topics and other themes you can talk with soemone, but make sure are appropiate to talk with the person you are with.


#203

Thanks man. This text will be blurred


#204

And don’t get too nervous. You do, and the other person is likely to cut the conversation earlier for noticing that lack of confidence in what you are saying, wich might as well give a bad impression in that what you were trying to say was a lie.


#205

You just have to slowly start getting out of your comfort zone,to start doing things you fear or would feel uncomfortable about.
It might feel uncomfortable at first but afterwards you’ll just realize no one cares as much as you do,not to mention you build confidence that way
I used to be a lot like you describe but I managed to overcome it.
Just say “fuck it” and do it.You’ll very rarely regret things you do but more often things you don’t (I tell you that from personal experience too)

I’m bad at giving advice


#206

Don’t have another place to get help from, so I’ll do it here.

Here’s even more depression and clumps and piles of bullshit in my life!


Recently, the girl that I liked said that she was rushing it and said she didn’t want to be any closer than just friends. Now it wouldn’t have been a big deal for previous girls that I liked, but I was really upset this time because I actually had a chance with her and I had tried my best to show her that I cared for her, that I wanted her and I wasn’t just there to get the right to brag about being taken.

Not only that, after this happened I’ve started realising that literally no one cares about me. People compliment my singing, and that’s it. I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ve opened my eyes to see that all I get is “Hi” and “Your singing is good”, even from my ‘best friends’.

One more thing. I’m starting to have suicidal thoughts again and this time even worse. Because of what I just said added on to all the problems before, plus an additional problem of realising that I’m overworking myself in trying to get a headstart in my music career, the “voice” in my head that’s been telling me ever since I got depression has now started putting even more pressure on me and I think I’m starting to hallucinate again.

I honestly don’t know what to do, and as many people can try to help, at this point literally no one else can help but myself, and I know for sure that’s not happening.


#207

I think the best course of action would be seeing a trained psychiatrist, especially if you hear voices, hallucinate and have depressive/paranoid thoughts. These are the things that require attention, some of these symptoms coincide with other more serious mental health issues.

I know it seems cliche but it is the best thing you can do, they have an oath they take that means they have to help you


#208

Go the gym my friend. It helps, find a sport to practice, a hobby.
How old are you?


#209

I understand that you are having a pretty hard time dealing with the rejection of someone you wanted to have in a more special place in your life but can’t let that make you fall back.
About your depression and suicide thoughts, I think your problem here is that you don’t think too good of yourself to begin with. Mentioned that people, even supposedly close ones to you, praise your singing but nothing more personal or affectious. If you lack confidence in yourself and also don’t give love to you, it will be hard for other people to do it. As you said, the help starts with you.
I suggest you that before starting to get too deep into a professional mindset related to your singing talent, you look to get motivated to do so 'cause you love it and not exclusively for an obligation. It’s the kind of thing you need to have passion for and firmly believe what you are doing by expressing your emotions in the most sincere way you can do it.
By the way, don’t pay attention to the “voice”. That small part of you just wants to make you fail and right now you don’t need a pricky persona close to you, much less a self imposed one. Visiting a psychiatrist and the meds this one can provide will help a lot to overcome it but you gotta do your part aswell.


#210

Hmm, no one is telling you that you suck, are they? There’s not one of those “I’m just trying to help,” people in your life?

Because if there are you need to get away from them.


#211
  1. Also, sport isn’t my thing, but I guess I could work out a little.

Oh no, people spread rumours and say stuff about me behind my back. There’s a few of them.

There are a couple, but like I said, no one can really help me but myself. I know I gotta suck it up and just accept life, but it’s easier said than done.


#212

I’m no psychologist or anything, but I’ll help in offering some advice from experience.
First of all, I strongly advise against depending on help from here. Unless anyone here has significant medical training, they won’t be able to genuinely help you. If you are close with your parents, or even if you are not - you really should talk to them, they know you the best. Then get help wherever necessary after raising this with your parents.

My second and probably most substantial point comes from the post about your age. You’re 13. Stuff like getting into a significant relationship and being hyper popular shouldn’t be your main concern at this point. Enjoy your youth, enjoy the things about being young. Live freely. Hell I’m way older than 13 and am still not concerned about having a serious relationship at this point.

(I feel so strange typing up this part). You may also be going through puberty meaning you’ll be more conscious of where you fit in, and may feel unnecessarily lonely. High school for many people proves to be a difficult time, although I didn’t really feel that way myself. If you’ve got an incredible talent for singing then in about 6 years time when you have a lucky break you’ll be happy with yourself from sticking it through.

Thirdly, with people just saying ‘hi’ and being distant, their going through the exact same thing. A couple of my best friends from primary school drifted apart during Year 7-10 and then we’re back as close mates. It’ll just be a phase in your life where conversations may be a bit more awkward.

Trust yourself more, you can help yourself. Get through each day doing what you love, and accept that not every day is going to be great. But it’s only through enduring the bad times that we can truly appreciate when things are good.

As much as this is applicable to some, I’ve never spent more than 20 minutes in a gym working out, and the times I have I’ve never done it willfully. So if it’s not your thing, maybe join a choir or an acting group.

All the best my friend, I hope some of this advice can be of help. But it is of my whole-hearted recommendation that you talk to those people you see every day, your parents. I won’t post anything else from here on out, but if you want to ask something just send me a message.

JS


#213

As i’ve stated before, i have difficulty in accepting the fate of my previous account. Postal_Dude meant a lot to me and i greatly regret my past behavior with that account.

Other than that, my real life is also in a very bad shape currently. As i’ve mentioned, i got locked up in an asylum 3 months ago and here i am using the shared computer to type this very post. There’s no telling when i might get out, but i’d say 2020 is the deadline, meaning i’ll get out by then at the very least. My girlfriend left me, my dog died and most of my friends have abandoned me. I often listen to this on Youtube because i think this is the best track to express my current emotional state. It’s appropriately called ‘‘Fuelled by hate’’


#214

So 2020 is just your guess?How were you not told when you will leave,I thought stuff like that is always known