Sessions with Lafayette (Serious Discussions Only) - Venting Thread


#255

Maybe this is not an appropriate topic to post that in.


#256

Otherwise these games would not exist at all. And even if they did exist they wouldn’t be nearly as polished and filled with details as they are now.


#257

This is the venting thread, so I can’t really think of a better topic to post it in without creating a new topic for this issue (which I won’t do)


#258

I recently found out, only few weeks ago, but quite late in life, that i have Asperger’s. Haven’t told anyone about it yet, besides my mom, but apparently my sister suspected it and told my mom long ago. Since i’m out of school system and working from home now, it doesn’t even really matter anymore. But still, it was a relief, because it finally explained a lot of things for me and i found some peace about all those social mess ups, depression and complete shutdowns, that i was beating myself over.

/Now, this is just an observations, that i’m not sure, if it belongs here, but it kinda made me happy and i want to rant about it/

I’m sometimes thinking about all the things i was obsessed over, special interests, and why was that, and you know what occurred to me:

Hitman is the perfect game for aspies (at least in the way Aspergers manifests itself in women, can’t talk for the other side). You’re slowly observing and analyzing other peoples behaviour without really understanding or instinctively relating to them, then trying to use, what you learned to chameleon your way in, trying to fit in based on copying, but without it being real and natural for you. It’s just a surface role you’re switching for some other, depending on circumstance. And 47 and his whole… isolated, antisocial ark is a perfect avatar/proxy for me, like, i’m paradoxically more “feeling it” than i do with any other playable, more humanized character in most other games.

It kinda explains, why the game mechanics, the whole concept of it, feel so natural and comfortable, like, i’m more at home with them than with any other type of gaming mechanics - What i do in real life to get by with other people, and what is just draining, confusing and so energy depleting, is realized there and transformed into play, an actual fun and useful & relaxing activity.

I’m not sure if i’m describing it somewhat comprehensibly, but… ya get me¿


#259

Well, guys, look like my last minute cramming wasn’t enough. I failed this year so I either have to repeat it or go to ITE, a vocational school. At least my results are good enough for a favourable course.

My parents, who are surprisingly understanding about this, want me to repeat the year so I can get to a poly eventually. But I’m not comfortable being known as the “retained student” in a class where everyone is younger than me. I would rather go to ITE and take an interesting and useful course. They’ll support whatever decision I make, and I’m glad for that.

I’m thinking of a service-centered course, like hospitality or tourism. Or maybe early childhood education. Any other ideas?


#260

A friend of mine (who has very strong ADHD he keeps in check with smoking bong) went home this morning, back to Hamburg. He was here since some days before Christmas.
The guy lost his appartment because the owner wanted it for himself (I guess he just wants to renovate it to rent it out for more again). He is now living in a homeless shelter with half of the people there being refugees. The facility is taking the highest amount of money possible the welfare is giving for a home. Which is WAY more any sane owner of an actual apartment is asking for a shared room. But the state doesn’t care much for it like an individual would, it is taxpayer’s money.
The refugees there are making it not a place the people want to be at sadly. They seem to not know how to use the toilet properly and that it is important to collect trash and bring it outside where it belongs. The homeless with european background work together very well in comparision.
I don’t want to start sharing my general criticism of this but to say so much, I am sad there seem to be only two ideas in the politics. Those who don’t want to help refugees at all and those who think the only problem is to bring them into the country and after this everything is good. If you look for a party that is trying to help these in poverty, you won’t find one. The only party who does care is not admitting there is a competition going on between refugees and others in poverty. I also don’t want to mention on which lists refugees are favored over others. He tells me of much crime happening there and is very confused what to conclude from all this as a generally left person. However he is a survivalist and very friendly person so I think he can endure it for some more time.

I don’t want to blame refugees here, I want to blame how the situation is handled by authorities.

However, he lives there for a year now and we try to help him to find a new home. But without a home, you don’t get a job. Without a job, you don’t get a home. There were container homes for refugees near Hamburg, but because the demand for homes for refugees (!) was too low, they got sold. Not given for rent, sold. You had to own a property to buy such a thing and you had to pay for the delivery. To this day I can’t understand what was the problem to not give it to homeless people without refugee background.
Our socialdemocrats are no socialdemocrats since like 15 years and are just playing along the neoliberal market. No social housing building, just a mechanic to limit the price for renting an appartment. But this is not fixing the number of room.
He has no job, is homeless, has ADHD, and is mid-40s. If he is put on a list for an appartment, he is behind the pregnant women or single mothers, behind families, behind academics, behind refugees and so on. The order is not important here, just that he is at the end and this is because there is not enough space to live in. And not only in Hamburg but in every city. And he is needing public transport systems, so the countryside is not really an option.
I encouraged him to get every mental issue posible determined on paper to raise his chances.

It is just sad. And it is sad it will stay like this. Meanwhile, Germany makes sure to stay being the low-wage-sector it is now, keeping the jobs here but limiting the tax money for social projects. And by this we also make other EU countries unattractive for the market because they can’t be low-wage-sectors themselves, as they would not be able to run the state without taxes. We can do that because we have the taxmoney. But we are unwilling to make use of it. Every year I hear “more tax money than ever” in the TV with happy faces and yet the gab between poor and rich is becoming bigger and bigger.
Now our wage politics is making the EU poorer, raising jobless count, and Merkel said in her new-year-speech, Europe needs more solidarity.

And people still wonder why people snap and vote the alt-right. My gf is insisting to leave the country in the long run but I cannot imagine doing this. I also don’t want to care just for myself but I feel powerless to change anything. Most Germans are seeking distraction and only the extreme is actually politically active.


#261

Recent activities of my family have me on the edge of depression.

I revealed on here some time ago that my wife is pregnant. The update being I found out it’s a boy. So with that comes the naming.

I am not going to reveal the name I have chosen for my son but I will describe it as being named after something that is synonymous with African Americans.

Now…now before you roll your eyes just hear me out.

I have known my wife for almost 10 years and before I even met her I held the name I have chosen for my son in my heart. Each woman I would date if it got serious I would tell them the name. I feel passionately about this.

In telling my family I got very mum responses from them. I guess if I admit I was hoping for some validation, I am in my 30’s but I would still like my parents to tell me they approve of something I have done.

I didn’t get that. I got a short burst of ridicule in “seriously”? and in the eldest woman on my father’s side (my aunt) she flat out said this to me-to my face.

“Why would you name your child that? Don’t name your child that, that’s like those ghetto people that name there child Lashawn or whatever crap. If you name your child that name they will resent it, resent you and everyone will know they are black.”

In the moment I was taken aback. I try to show respect and deference to elders so I only said “I am confused, so I should give them a white name like me and my father?” She gave a kinda half shrug.

She left me alone and came back to say that she would still love my child regardless. I told her thank-you but the damage was done.

Now I am stuck in my head questioning something I had wanted for more than 20 years.

My wife, adores the name and doesn’t like that I am questioning myself now over this. I have her support in this.

This has made me very angry. I hate to expose my own family but I have to reveal the circus that is going on in my head. Of all my aunt’s male (3 alive) sibling’s to include my own father-none not a one is with a black woman. All of em with white woman-to include my own father who cheated on my mother with a white woman. So this same aunt looks me in the face and says “everyone will know your child is black.”

I try to calm myself by telling myself this is a generational thing. This is the same woman of the generation that refuses to say the word “white” publicly or even in her own home. They either point to something white or point to the palm. I have seen her do this.

I see this request as another layer of respectability politics. In so many words she is saying to me being black is hard, being obviously black is harder still, best to not let them know your black right away.

I tell you one thing I will not pass on to my son is the cowardice that black Americans bath themselves in. The good to come from this is that it has aggitated my soul to the point of writing. I have started a small book for my son in which I write to him telling him why I chose his name, what it means, and what I hope it means to him. I am trying to put a sence of pride and personal accountablity in my son-beyond just the name-but that’s an important part. One of the first things you learn in America is to dislike yourself, I can stop that.

I am only trying to teach my boy to me a man of pride. I will feel horrible and a half parent if I give up my right to name my child after someone elses suggestion-most of all for respectability politics.

I just wanna be clear this is not some jacked up spelling or new word I invented. The name is actually European-but in America it is associated with blacks. Much like Tyrone is Irish but everyone in America thinks it’s black.

If I end up naming this boy Jack to appease my family or some mysterious force known as white people it won’t ever end. I did this thing the right away married a woman and had a kid after. We both got our education-this boy is already ahead of the average American child. I just refuse to believe that in America after Barrack Obama I still have to give space in my head to what white folks gonna think.

I’m gonna name my boy the name I want. And by God if they give me gruff or try to shame me I won’t have it. Don’t nobody twist their lips to say nothing and everyone still rah rah with my father and his bullshit. As I have said on here before my father was very abusive to me. I know my aunt knew this. As I understand it “they were raised that way”

So to have this woman tell me I would turn my son against my with a name and not with beatings that dragged on for years like her younger brother did to me was too much.

What a cluster. Yeah I feel my pride swelling back up like the shield that it is.
How many times I gotta prove to these people I do what I want. Again I guess. Nobody controls me.


#262

Nobody can control your actions; give that boy the name you want.
If they disagree, ignore them. It’s just a name. If they think he doesn’t deserve it, they’re wrong.


#263

Jack is a boys name (ironically it means man) and not like a gendered term but as some age thing,. And I should know I am named Jack. Call you kid whatever you want he is your kid.


#264

“They’ll know he’s black”

Like it’s suppose to be a fucking secret. You have better restraint then I would my man. I would’ve had a… slightly less forgiving response in that situation. But I’m glad it’s not keeping you down and you’re going with the name anyway.


#265

Yes, you should know what your own name is :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


#266

Yep I am Jack ***** and somewhat proud of it.


#267

Last name Daniels by chance? :wink:


#268

Nope. But don’t think no one in my family has made that joke. I have an uncle who gave my mum a bottle of it with the label altered with my surname. So it outta be 20 plus years, shame I don’t drink.


#269

No shame. I’m over thirty and don’t drink either.


#270

There is this weird thing people do where they say, hear about a study where they find some employers dismiss black names without reviewing their resume and somehow assume that said employer is only doing it in regards to the name… and somehow imagine that those people will not discriminate against a candidate if they discover they’re black in an interview.

I blame weird Hollywood movies.


#271

I fear death and it’s inevitably on a daily basis. Not to the extreme of locking myself away for fear of injury etc but it occupies my thoughts at least once a day. Most days I cope with it and shrug it off for another day but every now and then I will fly into a mix of rage and panic. I am not religious, I don’t believe anything exists after death. The thought of simply ceasing to exist one day is the single most scary thing I can imagine. My only shred of hope is that I know people who claim to have seen ghosts so maybe just maybe death isn’t the end but it most likely is. Does anyone else ever feel this way or ponder their own mortality? How do you deal with it?


#272

You are in quite the similar scenario that my uncle Roberto and my aunt Ana Luz were when their named their daughters, Tsu-Sing and Gin, wich are Chinese. They had people telling them those names were too foreigner and they were risking some bullying to their daughthers because in Mexico even something as tame as a name can take to some nasty harassment.

Point is, my uncle and my aunt didn’t back off for what a third party would think and if they didn’t like it, then fuck off. If the name of your son is special (and I’m extremely certain it is), then keep going and don’t back off for what others have to say. No point in being miserable for someone who isn’t worthy after all.


#273

This is heavy man

We all do.

Me neither.

It’s a good question. Outside of the abundance of alcohol, I try not to take myself, or life, that seriously. We are all carbon and we are all gonna die. Out of our control really, why fret about it?

It’s as if someone slipped you acid and you only found out once you started tripping. The only thing you can do, your only option, is to try and enjoy it.


#274

So long as you don’t call your child something stupid like Apple (Gordon “Sting” Sumptner) Chicago (Kanye West) or Kal-El (Nick Cage, noticing a pattern?) then it will be alright.