Literally NPC behaviour right here. 
Life mimics art. You got lucky.
(It is now my headcanon that the Hitman games exist in the Hitman universe, and the NPCs stupid reactions to distractions and objects left behind is a disbelief that what happens in a hitman game could possibly happen to them.)
“Waaaaiiittt a Minute”
Oh, that was what that detonator I found in my kitchen was for!
I mean… The first thing that came in mind is what I do in Hitman 
If it exploded its someone else problem 
I got a haircut after like 8 months without
Apologies for the shaggy-like hair here. Took this soon after having a shower, hair was tangled and still drying
The past 3 months is the first time I’ve ever had to use a ponytail.
I feel betrayed, very much betrayed.
You what now?
I’m… sorry? 
william is just as shocked as we all are that you are not in fact a chicken (i think)
wise hitman fans will observe however the power of a good disguise! you may still be a chicken, just hiding it well. 
A secret project of Chic Meyer, Preparing intelligent superpowered chicken assassins to make an army against the animals world.
No, he has already said:
I’m the forum’s resident Chicken! Literally? Maybe not. Metaphorically? Definitely.
Ha! 
Ahh, yeah, sorry to disappoint you, @William1066, and everyone else…
Unless… who’s to say that guy in the picture isn’t just a paid actor! 
I’m still the one in control here!
Oh my god that’s perfect
First thing that popped into my head
You wear disguise to look like human guys but you’re not a man, you’re a Chicken Boo
Ponytail looks good on you, man. It suits you! Also gotta say, giving me major Agent Thames vibes even got the same color band haha
that’s impressive you had the motivation to do it for 34 days. also I think most people who do those things use webcams so that it’s a steady angle, if that helps
Also you having a beard adds like 5 years to your face. I know how old you are and you look like you’re in your 20s 
But then it goes back to clean shave and he couldn’t pass for old enough to buy an explicit content music cassette.
Oh honey…cassette?
(20 calls to Life Alert)
Bearded Hichkas visiting his future in-laws for the first time be like:
