Not sure where else to put this as it’s not new, not currently running, and it just popped up out of nowhere, but OutsideXbox just did a 3 ways to play for Angel of Death…
I think they’re trying to wrap up some of the old Elusive Targets they missed when they were new.
Soon the time will come for me to say goodbye to one of the most important role models in my life. I been waiting for this day for a long time. I hoping that her time would end rather sooner then later.
My grand mother on my others side, have been one of the strongest women I have had the pleasure to look up to. Since early childhood she been a anchor point in my life, like my grandfather who we lost to cancer in December 2015. Not even 10 days past his passing she had the strength and will to host and cook for a large family gathering past Christmas, like she always did.
I will look back on the many joyful occasions I have shared with her and my grandfather, if It has been the multiple trips they took me on, all from Mallorca to different mini vacations around Denmark.
Yesterday I took my daughter to see her one last time, even though my daughter never got to know her as well as I would have wished to due to her dementia kicking in a around her birth and that she lives an hour drive away. It was a great comfort to me see, let her see her one last time.
Even if I been prepared and hoping for this day to come sooner then later. The twilight of her final days have begun to kick in and my mourning process have begun. She weights around 30 kg and her body have begun to shut down. She doesn’t feel hunger, nor thirst. She isn’t in pain and if you ask her, she isn’t sad.
In the evening I’ll drive my brother to her house, he a long with my mother and aunts will take turns sleeping in her house, to make sure she doesn’t fall when going between the bed and the bathroom.
To night will probably mark the last time I see her alive. She is so tin and frail. She looks like something from a concentration camp. It’s a horrible picture, to see someone you love so much change so much. I’m just glad that her North Jutland spirit remains even in this and she doesn’t fell pain. I just want her to final have peace, so she can join my grandfather and their third born daughter. Even if I don’t really believe in the afterlife, it brings comfort.
I apologis, this helps me take the first steps to come to terms with something. I thought I already was.
Wish you all the strength 
My condolences, man. Going through a similar thing with my own grandmother, but not to the extent you are. Between a more tragic illness and having a child of your own and the weight that adds to it, can only relate up to a point and then can only imagine what the rest is like. Wishing you all the strength and perseverance to make it through, and may it be painless and peaceful when the time comes.
Condolences. It’s never easy when we lose the ones we love. I’m sending hugs your way Mano! Be strong for your family.
Thank you for all the kind words, I’m okay and naturally I’m not. Even if I been expecting this for last year or so. Soon my grandparents story and their life lessons will live on through me.
I got my child to think of, it gives some perspective. It still hurts and is hard to come to terms with. I just want her to go easily in the night.
All in all i’m doing well, I thought this day would have come late last year, when she got a lung infection while being hospitalised. But it’s clear that her body has begun to shut down now, she doesn’t feel hunger, nor that much thirst.
If you ask her, she is happy and not in pain. I’m just glad that I got to see her twice in the last few days, one with my child and yesterday after dropping my older brother off. So he could watch over her through the night.
One thing that I’ve been neglecting to do all my life, especially as William1066, was to embrace my own fractured identity as a perpetual foreigner. I am a Chinese immigrant in Indonesia, the world’s largest Muslim country, who also falls outside of a strict gender binary and is also autistic (wow what a shocker). I can mask myself and fit into society here, but it is a mask.
I’ve always struggled with identity. It’s not something that comes up naturally for me. I’m not Chinese enough to belong in China. I’m not Indonesian enough to be Indonesian. I’m not ‘normal’ enough to function in everyday society. There was never a label that truly fits me and whoever or whatever I am supposed to be.
I think that mindset has always been with me for a long time, and I carry it even today. Maybe that’s why I keep neglecting that and wanted to appeal to outside cultures. There was a reason why I based my old username on some old British King from Normandy who lived thousands of years before me. Which sucks too because this meant that I never really engaged with the culture of my own heritage or the country I live in due to viewing them as barbaric or lesser (Not actual words I used, but definitely how I viewed them for some time).
With that fascination though I also learned about stories from those cultures. I already somewhat idolised that British monarch, so it was easy for me to look at Greek or Roman myth and memorise those names, dates and details. I’m not sure if this was the right term for it, but it feels a bit like a ‘hyperfixation’.
Something changed though, and I realised that I chose to embrace cultures that had nothing to do with my everyday life and neglected the ones that should have been more relevant. It felt a bit alienating to realise that your entire sense of self is built on something like that. I’m not sure exactly what pushed me to realise that in the first place, it was probably a number of factors instead of a single event.
Whatever the reason, I tried to discover those roots again. I started to explore the culture of my own people, Indian, Chinese, and Indonesian stuff essentially. I think, coming into it, I had a fixed expectation of it being something barbaric or backwards, but the more I learned about it, the more it felt like a missing piece of a ‘self’ started to form.
From the Fujianese god of male love Tu’er Shen (兔儿神), to the transmasc warrior Srikandi (Shihkandi) from the Mahabharata epic, even to the guardian spirit of Java, Kiai Lurah Semar Badranaya, who was described as an imperfect balance between old and young, sad and happy, god and person, man and woman. I’m not sure what the right word for this is, but these figures were also outcasts. They did not fit into the guidelines that make up our ‘modern’ world, in here they were also perpetual foreigners.
Unfortunately, those standards caught up. The Qing dynasty government wiped out all mention of Tu’er Shen in mainland China, Srikandi was forced to be a tomboy warrior in modern shadow puppet plays, and Semar wsa used by the dictator Soeharto to gain legitimacy for his own authoritarian rule, something that Semar himself (despite having features of both sexes, he is still usually regarded as male) is against. Indonesia, despite the history of ‘outcasts’ and ‘unity in diversity’ has almost wiped out that old aspect of its culture, and now there are far right groups that want to implement Sharia law or force their beliefs onto minorities.
This is getting a bit out of hand, but essentially I felt as if I found a sense of belonging with the cultures that shape my everyday life now. I want to embrace this part of my identity, no longer viewing it as backwards. Even now, Indonesia still has a growing presence of Queer people despite suppresion from authorities, and I want to contribute to that fight. If William1066 rejects these circumstances and wanted to move away from this place, KeroepoekDjadoel embraces their culture and wants to stay here and fight for their people.
Of course there’s nothing wrong with engaging with cultures different than your own. I still have a soft spot for that part of my life, engaging with those stories and figures from faraway lands, but I also won’t shy away from the ones already present in my life.
So from now on, I’m no longer William1066. Feel free to call me KeroepoekDjadoel!
Yap session over, thanks for reading through 
I’m aware of the irony of where I’m posting this, and I’m going to refrain from making this post feel overly aggressive despite how very annoyed I am. But otherwise single-player games that require a constant internet connection to play them are so fucking stupid. My laptop is not capable of keeping a constant connection, even with an ethernet cable. I can get internet for long enough to download and patch games, that’s it.
I just had to refund Elite Dangerous mid-installation because I learned that this was one of those games while reading about it online, because it’s a “constantly online world”. I just want to fly around in space and land on moons, I don’t give a fuck what other players are doing I should not have to be tethered to them at all times. Insane. End rant even though I could go on about this forever right now because, like I said, I’m very goddamn annoyed.
On the same note, I miss being able to play the WOA trilogy. Even though you can play the story missions offline, you don’t get a ratings screen (which really matters to me) and you still need a connection to boot up the game from the Epic launcher.
With you, man. I think my distain for the Always-Online model of gaming has shot right to the top, even past platform exclusivity (although not by much).
Omg you entitled Gamers just dont get it, right?
SINGLEPLAYERGAMES NEED TO BE ALWAYS ONLINE TO GIVE YOU THE BEST EXPIERENCE POSSIBLE!!!11!!1!
Just look at Hitman, they had like 5 shit games until they finally figured out that all they needed was to force players to be always online.
Silent Assassin
Contracts
Blood Money
Absolution
Go
This joke still works while maintaining the Codename 47 agenda :3
The truth isnt an agenda 
Might have saved Blood Money.
I don’t think you’d find a single player on this forum that actually, firmly, agrees that single-player always-online games are a good or necessary thing. Online service delivery notwithstanding, it would NOT be that hard to figure out how to make it so the entire game works offline except just the stuff that actually needs connectivity. The storefront can handle patching. I have never cared about leader boards but players that want them will just have to be online. Add a warning on start-up telling the player exactly what very small portions won’t work offline and leave the player to do what they want.
There is simply no reason from a game-play perspective to require always online connectivity that truly justifies it. Obviously things like piracy prevention may, but that isn’t game-play.
They need to dump it, but they won’t bc we keep buying always online games. We are willing to tolerate it and they are willing to aggravate us*
I personally live with people who not only don’t think it’s a problem, they don’t even know that the games they play need to be always online.
3 hours 42 min it took me to fail a syndicate in Freelancer. I made it to the 3rd showdown and then was a bit too cavalier trying to shoot a poison dart into the target.
Good fun though! I don’t have time to restart today, but next time I’m off I will have my revenge.
taken with my sub par iPhone camera and my sub par photo taking skills.