I thought that âharder/brotherâ and âthat/Techâ were good rhymes, if a little distasteful. I love Diana, have a little of a love-hate relationship with Sadie. Thanks for your feedback.
1 Like
Ron DeSantis vs Francesca De Santis:
Ron DeSantis:
Drop the champagne glass; even Gillum takes poison better!
Iâll leave your career like your face, going down the crapper!
I know a thing about defeating scientists like you.
Snooping around for dirt like Nancy Pelosi Drew!
I donât need to battle you when a hitmanâs rendered you inert.
Youâre used to ranking second, I heard it through the Marthaâs Vineyard.
This actions this careeristâs taken are absolutely abhorrent!
Iâll get you on a plane and send you back to Florence!
Francesca De Santis:
Iâll give this opponent of schools a lesson in history!
In your cringey ads you play dress-up more than the assassin after me!
Youâre Dino Bosco the way youâre always making shitty scenes!
Your bitching at Biden is the only dogfighting youâre involved in.
Shamelessly authoritarian, nothing weighing on your conscience.
Your trollingâs like your stateâs guns, aimed at a younger audience.
You doesnât stand a chance against me with my virus in production.
Put my heels to your Little League meatballs, how is that for sexual instruction?
Ron DeSantis:
Iâll put a stop to your crimes like I put a stop to the vaccine.
Your ears are like your surname, thereâs a space right in between.
Francesca De Santis:
I spit acid to dissolve you, since your attacks are baseless.
I donât need teachers to make me theorise I should be critical of this racist!
Ron DeSantis:
Oh, it seems I struck a nerve. I trigger you up muchy?
Itâs not the first time a woman looking after Silvio was touchy.
Iâll put the fear of God through you like your name was Abiatti.
But you can still play second fiddle during my Republican Party.
How could a graphology student be this awful at writing?
For my children, Iâll be using my parental righting!
Get on my Freedom Caucus and Iâll send you to heaven!
Come 2025, Iâll be a new kind of 47!
Francesca De Santis:
Exploiting immigrants out of hate and spite.
Even Ivana had more dignity descending flights.
You do worse in a Gym than your friend Jordan.
This lawyerâs approval ratingâs falling, he Better Ken Morgan.
You hate women who correct you as your Tie Food stories have reported.
I wonât need to cross states see your presidential hopes aborted!
Iâm first like Lia Thomas, you canât stand taller with your heels on!
Francescaâs spitting cancer, one even your wife wonât recover from.
3 Likes
Seems like you were itching for a way to rip into some politicians, werenât you? 
Heâs not half-stepping either but Francesca hits a LOT harder IMO. These solo battles you come out pretty damn cool. 
3 Likes
Thanks, man. Any favourite lines this time?
1 Like
And also
Now as I read this again, I might have to reconsider the winner. That was sharp comeback.
3 Likes
Another very niche battle of a Red Dead character against a Hitman target:
Susan Grimshaw vs Maya Parvati
Susan Grimshaw:
I was picking off Foreman Brothers when this girl was playing dolls!
Youâll piss yourself when I diss you, a more incriminating trail than Olivia Hallâs!
Like your attempt at an accent, whoever set you against me must be joking.
This time it wonât be an accident when the bones getting broken!
Bluster as artificial as your arm! Why did Rose keep you at hand?
This bitch is in for a battering, and I know you fare against rams.
Iâll leave you more abandoned and humiliated than the Maelstrom did.
You were defeated by a haybale, I could crush you with a tumbleweed.
Maya Parvati:
I hoped for something passable, but that verse was fucking horrid.
Battling meâs like killing Molly, the whore will pay for it.
Donât blame her and Mary-Beth just cause Dutch wonât give you any.
You turned Red Dead Redemption to Domestic Violence Hotline Miami!
Hold onto your granny panties, youâll need more than anodyne to finish the job.
Iâve seen more intimidating Susies in Calvin and Hobbes!
Send your dogs against my men if you think that they are able.
After the battle, this old maid could wipe their blood off the table.
Susan Grimshaw:
That grenade must have killed your wit cause I see none in this bout.
Like your crew did when you got disabled, you should start moving out.
Youâre devoid of charisma. Like Rose, Iâm sick of all your talk.
Not a Strange Thing that the cause was something Maya couldnât Hawke.
Maya Parvati:
For a veteran Wild West outlaw, I thought fightingâs a priority.
Grimshaw only gets in combat when sheâs shooting down minorities.
Once had a fiancé but he upped and left you on your own.
I guess your chances are like your clients, theyâre used to getting blown.
Susan Grimshaw:
Oh, youâre lecturing me on whoring? Donât you Lords it over me.
The only action youâve seen is when youâre shooting child pornography!
I donât need to start an oil spill to set this girl on fire.
Iâll drop more than a car on top of Lucas Greyâs diversity hire!
Dazing Parvati more than the drugs pumped in a Herald.
Firing off in the second round cause Iâm used to double-barrelled.
Like at 47âs gunpoint, sheâs acting cocky as I beat her.
Put yourself on a cross, but I know how your people do on Easter.
Maya Parvati:
You donât have much space when youâre talking talent.
Vernoff constructed her career out of Woody Allen.
You just nagged and beat and screamed til the girls got sick of your abusing.
Did jack shit as your gang turned away and left you like a Lazy Susan.
Thereâs a reason you have no guts. Now Iâm taking you down!
Your gang led Natives to their Graves; fitting one of them put you in the ground!
Died alone and unloved with no one mourning your death!
Youâre no Little Mermaid but Micah did put shells on your chest!
2 Likes
This has become a little hobby for you, huh? 
While Iâm enjoying your work, you can hit me up anytime if you want to battle. 
As for the match, I liked Maya more but I might be a bit biased as Iâm not too familar with Susan Grimshaw. Yeah, Iâm probably one of very few (if not the only one) who has never played RDR2. But regardless, she wasnât half bad at all. Maya lines just hit a bit harder for me.
2 Likes
Niche rap battles has become a hobby I guess. Iâve got about 5 more battles in production, 2 more with Hitman characters. Any favourite lines this time?
Who won?
- Susan Grimshaw
- Maya Parvati
0 voters
1 Like
I think overall that rap hits harder when thereâs a ring of truth to it or thereâs a level of perception about it. Like when Maya says
But when Susan says
Itâs just an out of nowhere diss for the sake of making a rhyme. And overall it seemed Susan was reaching more while Maya is more on point. Just my two cents.
1 Like
Itâs a really dark and low blow, but Susanâs diss is actually about Mayaâs VO Traci Lords and her former porn career. All her videos were banned because she was 16 when she made them.
For the Maya diss, Susan, who is sort of the Team Mom of the gang, occasionally beats or yells at female gang members for not doing their chores or arguing with her.
I actaully didnât know that. I must have missed it in her bio but if itâs true, I take back what I said.
1 Like
This line aged pretty well.
1 Like
I like reading your work either way so I donât have a preference which is first.
I wrote this up for the US election. Itâs not really Hitman-related, but in a way, it kinda is. Just read and find out.
Donald Trump vs Kamala Harris
Donald Trump:
Just sent Biden out of the race using just my disses!
I skipped over Noem because I can already put down bitches!
Might have flip-flopped on vaccines but Iâll put an end to Kamalaria!
KaMala Goldspiceâs looks are half of whatâs Melaniaâs!
Like your childhood friendâs stepdad, Iâm about to get abusive!
Itâs no wonder you love Yellowjackets because your coach is useless!
Iâm humiliating a Kam Girl like I would on Election Day!
Kamala better Call Her Daddy, sheâs getting sonned by Donald J.!
Kamala Harris:
You shouldnât have gone all-in, Joeâs deck was hiding Harris.
Put an end to your malarkey and youâll see why Iâm Bidenâs heiress!
Weird Godfather wants Part Three? Well, with another shot:
Kamalaâs gonna kill a Don and an Orange will be dropped!
When disease came upon our country and ended innocent lives,
You led your supporters to their graves with your snake oil cures and lies!
You drove Ashli Babbitt into madness and then put her on ice.
Iâll drop ivermectin in your casket when I bury you next to your wife!
Donald Trump:
I didnât wait four fucking years to lose to DEI Selina Mayer!
Kamala Harris:
Youâre choking, get a better tie. I think know a Taylor!
Donald Trump:
Platforming Lizzo and Usher, your childhood friend would be appalled.
Better get your stylist, Iâll nail an Indianâs scalp onto my wall.
Kamala Harris:
Sure, Jan Six Brady! Don Dementoâs ineffectual.
From girls to insurrections, you come in QA-non-consensual!
When your campaign fails twice, Republicans wonât let you run another.
Iâll be sitting in the White House while youâre rotting with your brothers.
JD Vance:
Started from the bottom, now this Ohio boy is coming in!
When Iâm finished in this battle, youâll be the one buried in Arlington!
âWeâre not going backâ will be funnier if itâs what youâre screaming in!
Should have saved more bombs for us, but you dropped most on Palestinians!
Weâll Make America Great Again when we get rid of you for good!
Weâre playing Kamala better than Vaughn or Rudolph ever could!
But smart you stabbed Joe in the back and threw him in the gutter.
Youâre just cutting out a cancer, like you couldnât with your mother!
Tim Walz:
He must have gave you a JD AdVance fee to make you cross the schism.
Called him American Hitler X, and now he doms you like in a prison!
Kamalaâs parents loved her and that is more than you could say.
Your daddy left you as a toddler, so you never saw the light of Donald Ray.
Your addict mother gave you more trauma that your desk job service ever will.
Is that why you worked for the company that hooked her on those pills?
Kamalaâs got the ball now, your campaign canât be saved.
Trump will dance with the Devil while I Walz on his grave.
JD Vance:
After your DUI, you should be used to clumsy movements, Tim.
I thought the media shills for you, so where was your twelve-step programming?
Tim Walz:
Youâre a smart kid, son, so whyâd you join this racist grouch?
The only white kids you ever had were ejaculated on a couch!
JD Vance:
Youâll call me President Vance in 29â, when the presidency shifts.
Earlier if Trumpâs gets McKinleyed: either 47âd, or 25thâd.
Donald Trump:
Wait, what-
BANG
Thomas Matthew Crooks:
Yo, itâs Tom from Butler County, here to give you all a shock!
I didnât cast my ballot but I still put Donald into a box!
I-
BANG
WHO WON?
YOU DECIDE!
VOTE!
- Donald Trump and JD Vance
- Kamala Harris and Tim Walz
- Thomas Matthew Crooks
0
voters
Remember to vote in real life too!
2 Likes
Two of the top Marvel and DC villians that ran for office. Who would you vote for as President?
-
50%Lex Luther
-
50%Wilson Fisk
This 50/50 split got me thinking maybe these two should have a debate to break the tie, in the form of a rap battle of course. Anyone interested?
2 Likes
Iâm working on writing a couple battles right now, poll decides which one I publish first.
- King Charles III vs Caroline Kennedy
- Nancy Wheeler vs Piper Wright
0
voters
As promised, Nancy Wheeler vs Piper Wright
Nancy Wheeler:
Straight outta Hawkins, this Indiana girl will end your talking
Of course fake news and libel would come out of a Boston Bombing
Youâre more disgusting than a Demogorgon, Iâll put an end to all your lies
When I blow the head off the worst queer journalist since Bari Weiss
Letâs see if youâre such a chatterbox after I crush these pipes
Post-apocalyptic Laura Ingraham will fade away into the night
Labour your sister to sell papers, and when she tries to talk, you just ignore
So when Nat moves out forever donât you wonder what the Falloutâs For
Piper Wright:
Hold on a minute, Blue, Iâve got a new enemy to face
Looks like a Reagan-voting family sprayed out Nancy Wheeler Mace
If child labourâs what you sneer at, then why do you copy?
You would be guest-starring on CSI if not thanks to Millie Bobby
You failed Emerson and quit, but I think it still ends happily
Now you can bond with Mayaâs dad on how you both lost an Academy
Grok hurt your sister worse than Vecna. Hereâs news that you can trust:
The predator youâre shooting at should have been Elon Musk
Nancy Wheeler:
Go turn into a zombie, you would make great buddies
With the other hungry Ghouls empowered by dead bodies
If you prefer Jimmy over Reagan, hereâs what shouldnât be ignored
You and Carter got where you were only thanks to worthless Fords
Piper Wright:
You burnt out with Jonathan because you were over Heaton
If you want get some backup, Iâm finally open for a threesome
Get the Buckley girl, I can make you both a deal
Drop the guns, get up to bat, and Iâll leave you both on Wheels
(radio feedback)
Robin Buckley:
Did someone call my name? Rockinâ Robinâs back in style.
Your friend took Travis to save Scarlett and I think theyâre both away for Miles
So while theyâre gone from here, youâll have me at this station
Itâs fifty-five degrees and nuclear fallout radiation
And a game Railroads you into one path or another
Your garbage made a man try to put a bullet in his brother
Nance will riddle you with bullets and reunite you with your father
When youâre dumped in the Charles River, youâll join Matthew Perry underwater
Nick Valentine:
Get to my office, Buckley, I think that we need to talk
Doesnât take a detective to deduce youâre played by Maya Hawke
Never worked your way up, had your choice of roles since you were born
So you starred in Do Revenge where your character spreads Latina porn
Now I will give you this, your talent cannot be disparaged
But I see you chose this role to have parents still in a loving marriage
Something that youâve got yourself now, but back to Robin: youâll have none.
Either poor writing or neglect left you and Vickie Dunne.
-
Robin Buckley:
Drop the meta humour, Roomba, you wonât want to go there in this tussle.
Has an A-Lister career left Stephenâs feathers Russelled?
Wonât need Dr. Amari here to have me picking at your brain
Nuclear fallout fucked your country but left a more pleasant-looking Maine
You promised to find a boy, but like your brother, youâre a liar
Shaun turned to ashes and left your friend the Sole Survivor
An unsent Valentine shouldnât talk of romance either
Your country and your girlfriend were both iced out by a Winter
Nat Wright:
Extra! Extra! A new Wright sisterâs come to rap.
Dyer ignores you out of envy so youâll be glad to finally talk to Nat.
Feast your eyes on, by default, the best newspaper in world
While I could legally watch your romance since you never go third base with your girl
Your characterisation peaked in a bathroom and then it went to shit
So put that funny hat on and serve me some ice cream to eat
Or Iâll pick up my Swatter and youâll stop looking look so pretty.
You want to ask directions? Get the fuck out of my city.
Piper Wright:
Nat! Language!
Nat Wright:
Humph. Sorry.
WHO WON?
- Nancy Wheeler and Robin Buckley
- Piper Wright, Nick Valentine, and Nat Wright
0
voters