I thought that āharder/brotherā and āthat/Techā were good rhymes, if a little distasteful. I love Diana, have a little of a love-hate relationship with Sadie. Thanks for your feedback.
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Ron DeSantis vs Francesca De Santis:
Ron DeSantis:
Drop the champagne glass; even Gillum takes poison better!
Iāll leave your career like your face, going down the crapper!
I know a thing about defeating scientists like you.
Snooping around for dirt like Nancy Pelosi Drew!
I donāt need to battle you when a hitmanās rendered you inert.
Youāre used to ranking second, I heard it through the Marthaās Vineyard.
This actions this careeristās taken are absolutely abhorrent!
Iāll get you on a plane and send you back to Florence!
Francesca De Santis:
Iāll give this opponent of schools a lesson in history!
In your cringey ads you play dress-up more than the assassin after me!
Youāre Dino Bosco the way youāre always making shitty scenes!
Your bitching at Biden is the only dogfighting youāre involved in.
Shamelessly authoritarian, nothing weighing on your conscience.
Your trollingās like your stateās guns, aimed at a younger audience.
You doesnāt stand a chance against me with my virus in production.
Put my heels to your Little League meatballs, how is that for sexual instruction?
Ron DeSantis:
Iāll put a stop to your crimes like I put a stop to the vaccine.
Your ears are like your surname, thereās a space right in between.
Francesca De Santis:
I spit acid to dissolve you, since your attacks are baseless.
I donāt need teachers to make me theorise I should be critical of this racist!
Ron DeSantis:
Oh, it seems I struck a nerve. I trigger you up muchy?
Itās not the first time a woman looking after Silvio was touchy.
Iāll put the fear of God through you like your name was Abiatti.
But you can still play second fiddle during my Republican Party.
How could a graphology student be this awful at writing?
For my children, Iāll be using my parental righting!
Get on my Freedom Caucus and Iāll send you to heaven!
Come 2025, Iāll be a new kind of 47!
Francesca De Santis:
Exploiting immigrants out of hate and spite.
Even Ivana had more dignity descending flights.
You do worse in a Gym than your friend Jordan.
This lawyerās approval ratingās falling, he Better Ken Morgan.
You hate women who correct you as your Tie Food stories have reported.
I wonāt need to cross states see your presidential hopes aborted!
Iām first like Lia Thomas, you canāt stand taller with your heels on!
Francescaās spitting cancer, one even your wife wonāt recover from.
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Seems like you were itching for a way to rip into some politicians, werenāt you? 
Heās not half-stepping either but Francesca hits a LOT harder IMO. These solo battles you come out pretty damn cool. 
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Thanks, man. Any favourite lines this time?
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And also
Now as I read this again, I might have to reconsider the winner. That was sharp comeback.
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Another very niche battle of a Red Dead character against a Hitman target:
Susan Grimshaw vs Maya Parvati
Susan Grimshaw:
I was picking off Foreman Brothers when this girl was playing dolls!
Youāll piss yourself when I diss you, a more incriminating trail than Olivia Hallās!
Like your attempt at an accent, whoever set you against me must be joking.
This time it wonāt be an accident when the bones getting broken!
Bluster as artificial as your arm! Why did Rose keep you at hand?
This bitch is in for a battering, and I know you fare against rams.
Iāll leave you more abandoned and humiliated than the Maelstrom did.
You were defeated by a haybale, I could crush you with a tumbleweed.
Maya Parvati:
I hoped for something passable, but that verse was fucking horrid.
Battling meās like killing Molly, the whore will pay for it.
Donāt blame her and Mary-Beth just cause Dutch wonāt give you any.
You turned Red Dead Redemption to Domestic Violence Hotline Miami!
Hold onto your granny panties, youāll need more than anodyne to finish the job.
Iāve seen more intimidating Susies in Calvin and Hobbes!
Send your dogs against my men if you think that they are able.
After the battle, this old maid could wipe their blood off the table.
Susan Grimshaw:
That grenade must have killed your wit cause I see none in this bout.
Like your crew did when you got disabled, you should start moving out.
Youāre devoid of charisma. Like Rose, Iām sick of all your talk.
Not a Strange Thing that the cause was something Maya couldnāt Hawke.
Maya Parvati:
For a veteran Wild West outlaw, I thought fightingās a priority.
Grimshaw only gets in combat when sheās shooting down minorities.
Once had a fiancƩ but he upped and left you on your own.
I guess your chances are like your clients, theyāre used to getting blown.
Susan Grimshaw:
Oh, youāre lecturing me on whoring? Donāt you Lords it over me.
The only action youāve seen is when youāre shooting child pornography!
I donāt need to start an oil spill to set this girl on fire.
Iāll drop more than a car on top of Lucas Greyās diversity hire!
Dazing Parvati more than the drugs pumped in a Herald.
Firing off in the second round cause Iām used to double-barrelled.
Like at 47ās gunpoint, sheās acting cocky as I beat her.
Put yourself on a cross, but I know how your people do on Easter.
Maya Parvati:
You donāt have much space when youāre talking talent.
Vernoff constructed her career out of Woody Allen.
You just nagged and beat and screamed til the girls got sick of your abusing.
Did jack shit as your gang turned away and left you like a Lazy Susan.
Thereās a reason you have no guts. Now Iām taking you down!
Your gang led Natives to their Graves; fitting one of them put you in the ground!
Died alone and unloved with no one mourning your death!
Youāre no Little Mermaid but Micah did put shells on your chest!
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This has become a little hobby for you, huh? 
While Iām enjoying your work, you can hit me up anytime if you want to battle. 
As for the match, I liked Maya more but I might be a bit biased as Iām not too familar with Susan Grimshaw. Yeah, Iām probably one of very few (if not the only one) who has never played RDR2. But regardless, she wasnāt half bad at all. Maya lines just hit a bit harder for me.
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Niche rap battles has become a hobby I guess. Iāve got about 5 more battles in production, 2 more with Hitman characters. Any favourite lines this time?
Who won?
- Susan Grimshaw
- Maya Parvati
0 voters
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I think overall that rap hits harder when thereās a ring of truth to it or thereās a level of perception about it. Like when Maya says
But when Susan says
Itās just an out of nowhere diss for the sake of making a rhyme. And overall it seemed Susan was reaching more while Maya is more on point. Just my two cents.
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Itās a really dark and low blow, but Susanās diss is actually about Mayaās VO Traci Lords and her former porn career. All her videos were banned because she was 16 when she made them.
For the Maya diss, Susan, who is sort of the Team Mom of the gang, occasionally beats or yells at female gang members for not doing their chores or arguing with her.
I actaully didnāt know that. I must have missed it in her bio but if itās true, I take back what I said.
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This line aged pretty well.
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Iāve got a couple battles coming up. Not exactly Hitman-related but I thought Iāll branch out a little. Which rather obscure one should I focus on writing first?
- Kristi Noem vs Katie Britt
- Rebecca Kiessling vs Norma McCorvey
0
voters
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I like reading your work either way so I donāt have a preference which is first.
I wrote this up for the US election. Itās not really Hitman-related, but in a way, it kinda is. Just read and find out.
Donald Trump vs Kamala Harris
Donald Trump:
Just sent Biden out of the race using just my disses!
I skipped over Noem because I can already put down bitches!
Might have flip-flopped on vaccines but Iāll put an end to Kamalaria!
KaMala Goldspiceās looks are half of whatās Melaniaās!
Like your childhood friendās stepdad, Iām about to get abusive!
Itās no wonder you love Yellowjackets because your coach is useless!
Iām humiliating a Kam Girl like I would on Election Day!
Kamala better Call Her Daddy, sheās getting sonned by Donald J.!
Kamala Harris:
You shouldnāt have gone all-in, Joeās deck was hiding Harris.
Put an end to your malarkey and youāll see why Iām Bidenās heiress!
Weird Godfather wants Part Three? Well, with another shot:
Kamalaās gonna kill a Don and an Orange will be dropped!
When disease came upon our country and ended innocent lives,
You led your supporters to their graves with your snake oil cures and lies!
You drove Ashli Babbitt into madness and then put her on ice.
Iāll drop ivermectin in your casket when I bury you next to your wife!
Donald Trump:
I didnāt wait four fucking years to lose to DEI Selina Mayer!
Kamala Harris:
Youāre choking, get a better tie. I think know a Taylor!
Donald Trump:
Platforming Lizzo and Usher, your childhood friend would be appalled.
Better get your stylist, Iāll nail an Indianās scalp onto my wall.
Kamala Harris:
Sure, Jan Six Brady! Don Dementoās ineffectual.
From girls to insurrections, you come in QA-non-consensual!
When your campaign fails twice, Republicans wonāt let you run another.
Iāll be sitting in the White House while youāre rotting with your brothers.
JD Vance:
Started from the bottom, now this Ohio boy is coming in!
When Iām finished in this battle, youāll be the one buried in Arlington!
āWeāre not going backā will be funnier if itās what youāre screaming in!
Should have saved more bombs for us, but you dropped most on Palestinians!
Weāll Make America Great Again when we get rid of you for good!
Weāre playing Kamala better than Vaughn or Rudolph ever could!
But smart you stabbed Joe in the back and threw him in the gutter.
Youāre just cutting out a cancer, like you couldnāt with your mother!
Tim Walz:
He must have gave you a JD AdVance fee to make you cross the schism.
Called him American Hitler X, and now he doms you like in a prison!
Kamalaās parents loved her and that is more than you could say.
Your daddy left you as a toddler, so you never saw the light of Donald Ray.
Your addict mother gave you more trauma that your desk job service ever will.
Is that why you worked for the company that hooked her on those pills?
Kamalaās got the ball now, your campaign canāt be saved.
Trump will dance with the Devil while I Walz on his grave.
JD Vance:
After your DUI, you should be used to clumsy movements, Tim.
I thought the media shills for you, so where was your twelve-step programming?
Tim Walz:
Youāre a smart kid, son, so whyād you join this racist grouch?
The only white kids you ever had were ejaculated on a couch!
JD Vance:
Youāll call me President Vance in 29ā, when the presidency shifts.
Earlier if Trumpās gets McKinleyed: either 47ād, or 25thād.
Donald Trump:
Wait, what-
BANG
Thomas Matthew Crooks:
Yo, itās Tom from Butler County, here to give you all a shock!
I didnāt cast my ballot but I still put Donald into a box!
I-
BANG
WHO WON?
YOU DECIDE!
VOTE!
- Donald Trump and JD Vance
- Kamala Harris and Tim Walz
- Thomas Matthew Crooks
0
voters
Remember to vote in real life too!
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Two of the top Marvel and DC villians that ran for office. Who would you vote for as President?
-
50%Lex Luther
-
50%Wilson Fisk
This 50/50 split got me thinking maybe these two should have a debate to break the tie, in the form of a rap battle of course. Anyone interested?
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