Movies You’ve Only Just Watched

[Dribbleondo]

…yeah, admit it, you didn’t see this coming, now did you?

I know Kevin Hart gets a lot of flak for being in some…shall we say…not great performing movies…but recently, they’ve been on an actor-reinvention spree, and this is one of the results of that. And I’m gonna be honest, this film did not need to be as good as it is, despite the premise being more than a little bit derivative.

The plot is pretty simple; Cyrus (Kevin Hart) runs a rag-tag crew of professional thieves and con artists that steal art or otherwise run rings around the police; INTERPOL in this case. When the latter catches them pulling a dual-running heist, lifting a Van-Gogh while also doing a high-profile theft of an NFT and kidnapping its creator. INTERPOL catches them for the former crime, and Abby, an 5-day old flame and INTERPOL officer, gives them a choice; either go to jail, or help them stop a global catastrophe in the making.

The lift Abby proposes to Cyrus and his crew is to stop a cargo plane filled with gold from heading to Lars Jorgensen; stock market manipulator who wants to wreak havok on the world by causing flooding all over the world, killing millions, and profiting off of of the loss of life and damage. The gold is a transaction with a hacker group – Leviathan – who giving him the means to pull this off.

All of the cast play their roles very well, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with this film and it’s charm. Lars is coded to be as evil as possible, Cyrus is played to be charismatic, Abby having a crush on him that she clearly can’t get over, and even the rest of the crew like Denton (Vincent D’onofrio) and Magnus (Billy Magnussen) are funny and enjoyable to watch.

As with any heist movie, there is a twist at the end, one I admittedly didn’t see coming (or at least, not in the way I entirely expected), and makes several of the crews’ actions on a rewatch make a bit more sense. The twist is fairly well hidden, so I applaud the writers for actually making me second-guess myself and making me think “Oh, THAT’S why X was acting like that!”.

The CGI in the film is…okay. Nothing too ground breaking, but there actually appears to be a fair amount of practical effects in this film, plane crashes notwithstanding, and even the CGI that is used looks fairly convincing for the most part.

This film apparently just didn’t do very well with critics (currently ~30% on Rotten Tomato’s on both critics and audience scores, and IMDB has it at 5.5/10). This is a little interesting, as not only has it been in Netflix’s top 10 in the UK since release last month (January 12th), but it’s still there as of writing this (currently at #7, after slipping from the top 4 a few days back).

The soundtrack, composed by Dominic Lewis and Guilliaume Roussel is very well made, and integrates well with the action on-screen. I’ve had “Trouble in Bathroom” stuck in my head for days now!

If you like Leverage or Hustle, then there’s a good chance you’ll get a kick out of watching this.

[Swangtheugly]

Finally got around to watching Eli Roths’s Thanksgiving. It’s a fun slasher movie that doesn’t take itself seriously. Of course it’s a Holiday Slasher based around the Holiday of the same name, but it satires both the historical, traditional, and materialistic aspects of the Holiday.

The acting from the “Teen” cast of characters is where the movies falls short, but that’s a minor complaint given it’s a horror movie. Plenty of memorable set pieces and for someone who appreciates practical effects Thanksgiving really met my expectations in that department.

Probably one of my biggest takeaways from this movie is the fact it isn’t mean spirited. While the motivation behind the killings is nothing to rave home about I appreciate that the movie doesn’t linger on the deaths, it leaves little to the imagination, but it’s not Terrifier 2 levels of messed up where it’s uncomfortable and cringeworthy to watch.

Another complaint is just the fact we have the relic that is the original Grindhouse Spoof Trailer for Thanksgiving. This Movie is more akin to Modern Slasher with callbacks to the classic. There are some Easter eggs from the Spoof Trailer, but other than that expect a Modern Slasher with modern conveniences and moments of stupidity. There’s a death in this movie that just kinda took me out of the moment simply because my real world experiences said that’s not how this thing works, but okay.

7.5/10. A sequel is happening.

[Heisenberg]

Thanksgiving was the only major holiday left, I think, or day of cultural significance, that had not had a slasher film made out of it, to the point that I believe a fake trailer about just such a thing was made for the Rodriguez/Tarantino collaboration Grindhouse. Correct me if I’m wrong, but like Machete, is this film actually that trailer made into an actual film?

Perhaps it’s time to make slasher films based on more obscure, lesser-known holidays, although I doubt anyone would know what a film titled Saint Swithins’ Day would be about. Maybe a gritty reboot of Groundhog Day where the person stuck in the time loop tries to kill every person who was alive on earth that day, one at a time, each day, until they get them all, then break the loop.

[TheChicken]

On the flight into Halifax, I got some in-flight entertainment options (and they had some pretty recent major movies like Barbie/Oppenheimer!)

I watched the Five Nights at Freddy’s movie – though we landed when I had 20 mins left in the film – and luckily we’re taking the same airliner back so hopefully I can finish it then, I’ll give an update later.

Anyway, in terms of the movie itself that I saw, it was enjoyable but with very mediocre writing. Also not all that scary especially in relation to the main character.
Decent 6/10 movie, that’s enhanced if you’re at all a fan of the lore from the games, they’ve actually packed in quite a bit of references.

In brief, the movie centers around Mike Schmidt (Josh Hutcherson), a down-on-his-luck caretaker for his young 6? 7? year old sister, trying to find a job and prove he’s able to keep custody of her.
He has lots of trouble, until a strange career manager (Matthew Lillard) gives him a last-resort job that almost no one takes – night-watch at an old kids’ pizzeria.
He then, through weird dreams, strange disappearances and a too-well-informed cop, discovers the spooky secrets behind the haunted pizzeria.

My main issue is that the writing loves to tease and avoid revealing much about the “mystery” of the pizzeria to such an extent that it feels like they’re dragging on the movie as long as possible, even though the many fans who inevitably are going/have seen this movie know exacrly what’s being talked about – and Mike himself very rarely presses the Cop about why she knows so much, or what specifically is CLEARLY being hidden from him, time and time again.

Vanessa knows SUSPICIOUSLY too much about the place, and keeps showing up there every night, and yet Mike doesn’t find that suspicious at all, or even when he asks, she brushes it off or changes the subject and he doesn’t ask again until like 20 mins later. It’s so frustrating.

The “monsters” of this film, the animatronics, are also not all that scary towards the main character? They tease you on his first and second night with him being stalked by the creatures, but they don’t actively try to kill him like they would the Player in the video game.
It even seems to contradict the lore of the games where the robots shut down/reset at 6am, and you’re safe from their murderous habits until the next night – as it’s shown that they go on a whole murder spree against some robbers who wreck the place mid-day during the film.

For a PG-13 film though, even though there isn’t all that much violence overall (Mike gets slashed and the robbers get killed off-camera) there is one murder where someone gets dragged into an animatronic’s mouth and they get CHOMPED in half, torso to legs – as seen via silhouette. That was a surprising but cool horror addition.

Also, for more good, the animatronics look wonderful.
The Jim Henson company made them I think, both as full animatronic robots and as suits people can wear, and its just so cool. They’re cute when they want to be and ominous too. It’s hard to tell when they’re people in suits, robots, physical or digital, but it’s really well-made and they deserve lots of praise for some big quality props.

Plus, kudos to Blumhouse for doing their game research well and including lots of easter eggs for fans. I’m not all that well-informed of the series past #4 (I used to watch Game Theory videos out of curiosity back in high school) but I can clearly see that the opening credits using the old-game pixel art used for the lore was a neat touch and the appearance of Mat Pat was a surprising cameo.
Hopefully if Markiplier’s Iron Lung movie does well he can get some major cred to appear in the sequel, I know he’s also a major fan and big reason it took off.

Anyway, I’ll hopefully finish the film on the flight back soon and I’ll update you all on how it goes – in this final 20 minutes, I think Mike finally got the truth/twist revealed to him and now he’s fully against the animatronics, and they’ve gone full murder-mode.

[Codename-24]

I know it’s unlikely but I hope they use some of the more random animatronics like this wet floor sign somewhere in the sequel

[Heisenberg]

Just got around to seeing The Fate of The Furious at last, and a funny thing happened. It happened at the beginning, which was a throwback to the first three movies, in that it was filled with fancy cars, meaningless races, bonkers car culture, shady criminal activity, and slow motion close-ups of the scantily clad boobs and butts of gorgeous women. And while every film in this series contains those things, the first three contained almost exclusively those things. Now, I’m only a fan of two out of those five; shady criminal dealings are the hallmark of a film that interests me, and I like staring at hot ladies’ boobs and butts and indulging in some harmless fantasizing as much as the next guy. But the funny thing was, not only did I feel excited to watch this movie as soon as it started up, which hasn’t happened with any of the others so far, but when it got to those five things, it actually made me remember the first three movies more fondly than I know I felt about them when I watched them. Weird.

Anyway, my suspicion for the twist in this movie - what Cipher had on Dom to make him work for her - was completely wrong, but the actual reveal made even more sense than any of my suspicions. Knowing my action movies as I do, and even without knowing the role Jason Statham plays in future entries, I knew right away Deckard not only wasn’t dead, but that his survival was being kept secret for a future play. I do like how four of the series’ previous villains are revealed to be connected to the main villain here, a la Daniel Craig’s James Bond series, and that two of those former villains got a chance for redemption and helped the heroes.

I know Hobbs’ first name is Luke, but they’re making him be more like Luke Cage than anything, after the stuff they’ve had him do these last two movies.

Overall, this one felt more than ever like the kind of plot you get in a Hitman game. Seriously, if 47 took on all the main characters of just this movie as targets, nevermind all the main and side characters for the overall series, he’d be able to retire on that alone. These are just the kinds of characters you end up going for in the games, especially the bad guys. I’ll be watching Hobbs and Shaw next, and then may be going on to the most recent two, if time allows.

[Heisenberg]

Ok, just watched Hobbs and Shaw. The Fast and Furious movies have three elements: the ridiculous, the glorious, and the lame. They took two of those elements and made a movie without the third; everything glorious and ridiculous about the FF series is found in this movie with none of the lame… with one exception near the end involving a chain of vehicles and more nitroboost nonsense, but aside from that one scene, this movie was the franchise at its peak from what I’ve seen so far.

Aside from the aforementioned scene, I only have two other criticisms: Hobbs and Shaw’s whole bickering and insulting thing got old quick. Not because it wasn’t inherently good, but because I stopped believing it about 30 minutes into the movie. I knew they were starting to grow on each other and not despise each other as much as they were claiming, so it just seemed meaningless and an excuse to once again make serious men who take care of business look like podcast “alphas” measuring dicks. A tired cliche that only happens in real life on social media.

The other issue was that I didn’t believe in Idriss Elba’s villainous commitment. Oh, he was menacing enough in action, and he said a lot of things that made him intimidating as a bad guy, and he had the right body language as well, but his facial expressions didn’t match any of that. And I’ve seen Elba have facial expressions that made me believe he wanted to squash the protagonist like a bug (Pacific Rim being a prime example), but I just couldn’t buy it here. He always had a look on his face, even when trying to seem like he enjoyed what he did, that made it seem like he was being forced to do it all. Maybe he didn’t like agreeing to do this movie or something, but I never bought that he actually believed in his cause in the movie because of that look on his face that never sold it. Hard to be afraid of a guy who looks only half-committed.

Beyond those things, the movie was fantastic fun.

[Heisenberg]

Alright, finished. Just watched FF 9 and 10 today, now I’ve seen everything that’s come so far. F9 I’d say was a step back. I definitely didn’t see the thing with Han coming, and the usual FF hijinks made it entertaining, but… space? Goddamned space? I’m sorry, but after everything unbelievable I’ve seen so far in the series, I simply must call bullshit there. The series isn’t jumping the shark, it’s jumping a car into fucking space!

F 10, on the other hand, is a whole different story. It takes everything that’s happened so far in the series and amps it up to eleven. The races, the heists, the barely clothed women, the ridiculous stunts, this movie has got it. It totally makes it clear that it’s borrowing some beats from the most recent Bond movies, as the main villain of the overarching story so far is usurped by another, more disturbing villain with a past personal issue with the heroes. Unlike the subdued Safin, however, Jason Momoa is clearly having an absolute blast performing his audition for the role of The Joker in James Gunn’s new DC cinematic universe. Can’t wait to see how this story concludes when the next one comes.

[rattleshnake]

Madame Web

Entire movie: passes by with nothing at all foreshadowing vision loss or blindness
Madame Web in the last few minutes: guess I’m blind now lol

Movie was very funny, though at one point I did wake up from a brief nap to find that our main character was very suddenly on the other side of the globe. So I’m not sure how that happened, maybe this requires a second viewing.

[TheChicken]

@rattleshnake

maybe this requires a second viewing.

The fact that you even consider this with no negative connotation is frightening. Tell me where it hurt you…

[rattleshnake]

I keep having visions of clairvoyants hitting me with cars, I don’t know how to process this.

[Swangtheugly]

My favorite Sony Spider-Man movie where they remove basically all connection to Spider Man.

[Norseman]

Spoiler for the Spider-Man film without Spider-Man aka. Madam Web.

The evil spiser-man motivation hinges on a dream of him being thrown out of a window in his apartment by three Spider-Women. Causing his death. Remember that this is a Spider-man’ish guy who in the film survives jumping from the top of a building (I think) and land on his feet.

1) it makes no sense
2) he could also just move, his fate is tied to his current apartment

Sony should have taken a tax return on this film. Maybe they can recoup some the cost of Kraven, by doing so. This film have doomed what little money could have made.

[Accidental_Kills98]

@Norseman

) he could also just move, his fate is tied to his current apartment

Move? In New York? Not with those housing prices…

[Norseman]

Here is crazy idea, sell your apartment and move to the countryside. Find a ground level house and live a very pleasant life.

And in other news, I actually watched a good film tonight. The Creator. I knew I would enjoy it. I did not expect to like it as much as I did. Cementing why Sci-fi films are my favorite genre. If you have yet to watch it, do yourself a favor and watch it. It might not have been a big hit on the global box office, but it’s a film that deserves so much more then majority of sluggish blockbusters that have infested cinema landscape (herre I’m directly targeting 90% of the MCU and Faste and Furious franchise).

[Accidental_Kills98]

@Norseman

Here is crazy idea, sell your apartment and move to the countryside. Find a ground level house and live a very pleasant life.

Is it as crazy as having a film with four Spider-Women yet never actually having them wear their costumes? Is it as crazy as a film where the villain is taken out by a billboard for Pepsi? Because I heard that is what happens in the film.

Besides if I was born and raised in New York I wouldn’t swap it for a small town. I already hate the very small city in which I live in right now.

[Norseman]

@Accidental_Kills98

Besides if I was born and raised in New York I wouldn’t swap it for a small town. I already hate the very small city in which I live in right now.

It’s better than dying. Then again his super power should negate that death he dreams about.

[Accidental_Kills98]

So he shouldn’t leave at all? Wait… If he is afraid of falling out of widows then he should just stay the fuck away from them?

Did anyone give this script a pass before they sent it off?

[Norseman]

@Accidental_Kills98

So he shouldn’t leave at all? Wait… If he is afraid of falling out of widows then he should just stay the fuck away from them?

Remember this is a Spider-guy that can survive this kind of fall. Also a specific window non the less, in his apartment. Why I suggest moving.

If I was to kill Spider-Man, I wouldn’t start by throwing him out of a window.

[Accidental_Kills98]

@Norseman

Why I suggest moving.

That seems extreme when you could simply avoid the window or pay someone to board/brick it up for you. Then again you have watched the film and I haven’t so maybe there is some big reason that I will never know.