Best NPC lines / quotes

when a guard calls for someone to pick up a weapon : “send someone down here. don’t send Ramirez. that guy is a moron.”


Omg some female NPC in Hokkaido just called me an “evolutionary leftover”. Oof that is a new one for me. :joy:


This made me crack up.


Now that’s pretty cool. I really don’t often hear dialogue about 47 agility-ing around the place, usually because the people that notice are either too far away or enforcers I’m trying to escape their viewcone.

“I’m out of whisky. It’s time for the bartender to get a new bottle from the basement.”

A guard with an overactive imagination, looking for the source of an explosion:

“We’re probably dealing with a Demolition Expert. Or, a mad scientist experimenting with some deadly explosives before selling them to a militant state…”



Guard who caught me tresspassing and running ignoring him.

“You need a subtitle to understand me?”

(I play with subtitles so that made me laugh pretty hard).


I like the voice and intonation of “Wait a minute” speaker.:grinning:

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im like jesus i heal people

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Posted on Instagram. Haha!!!

“I’m gonna rip your arm off and slap you with the soggy end, you little coward!”

“I need you to stand up and fight the aliens! Aheh heh nah, nah, I’m just kidding. You were knocked out by some tough guy.”

“Go and flush him out! It’s time to play a round of whack-a-mole!”

“Aah, Iiii-I uh, sss, oh boy, this is- eer, kinda hurting the old, er, ooooww, neck. Hm, okay, okay, uuh, uncle? Uncle, I said ‘uncle’, you can let me gooo. Come on, let me go. Come oooon, this is… okay, you’re getting me mad now, okay let me go. I’m serious. Okay, stop messing around! Come on! Err-tsh. You- okay, don’t get you ma- uh, you’re getting me mad and I’m gonna… you’re gonna be, you’re gonna get it! Come on, let me goooouhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh.”

“He was dressed as Santa. We may have to shoot Santa today; pretty f***ed up.”

“I’m basically a good guy! Not all lawyers are crooks! I-i-i-I have a dog called Pickles!”

“Oh, did you smell that? I had beans, I think they were, uh, off or something. I’m sorry!”


I got a Pitbull line. Only ever heard those in the Requiem suit, but this time I got it in the Italian suit at Dartmoor GS.

“Heh. You look like Pitbull, man! But nah, you’re not getting through here…”


Beginning of combat.

American guards:
“You shouldn’t have messed with me!”

British guards:
“Open up your toolboxes, gentlemen!”
“Enjoy your death, a*******!”

Indian guards:
“Today you die!”
“I’ll hang your head on top my mantle!”


I don’t think I’ve heard this one before, it’s very rare for me to have a body spotted by a guard, but I manage to drag it away without being spotted and before they can get to where they saw it.

“What the hell?? Some corpse just… gets up and walks out of here? Yeah, walks. That-that’s great, yeah great.”


Just heard a Mumbai Laundry guard say “unless someone’s eating chicken, there breaking bones” :joy:


Brendan Conner ET:

“I hate the burner phones. I hate the goddamn Asians”

I know ioi wants to make us feel good about killing the targets but the fact they hired someone to say this is a little over the top.


The line “It’s Diana. I hope your wounds are healing… but, we need you back in action. Let me know when you are ready.” gives me the fuzzy feelings :blush:

Caring Diana is top tier

Also, non-freelancer related:
“Nothing spoils a party like one of your guests inexplicably dropping dead” is one of the best incidental lines ever written for this game series. The perfect bit of irony I need to get me through a mission (in Mendoza).


Scene from Hitman Absolution mission “Shaving Lenny” where Mason is working the grill and dressing down his “assistant” for bringing him the wrong sauce.

“Excuse me. Come here for a second. You see this bottle? You see what it says?”

“Er… Spicy sauce?”

“That’s right. Now, I do believe that I asked for hot sauce. Not “pleasantly seasoned” sauce or “wuss-flavored” sauce. Hot sauce. Lenny just took out 50 men single-handedly! You think he’s gonna be impressed with the hotness of this sauce? I think not, my friend. I think not.”

“Uh… I’ll go get another.”

“Yeah you do that! I want Hellfire hot. Something that’ll make your head explode.”


Ooh, just recently had a guard hunting me call out “You know this is gonna end with a Game Over!!”

lmao thankfully it did not


Technically he wasn’t wrong. He probably meant “it’s gonna end with either one of us getting a Game over!!” :wink: