what are you looking for in particular?
that suuucks. maybe they think theyāre helpingā¦?
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If your passion made you who you are, then you shouldnāt quit.
Maybe consider having a livelihood in the sector that would suit you best, like many people, and continue creating without being paid.
Indeed, donāt give up on applications - even if you need a break.
You are an example for those who discover your work.
And youāre an artist, which means more sensitive, for better and for worse.
Keep a healthy lifestyle to help you drive away bad thoughts.
Relativize the remarks if you donāt find them relevant and stay away from toxic people.
Never give up on your dreams, because in life we fight for honor.
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Something with graphic design, maybe being an illustrator or 2D animator. Been applying for anything and everything though
probablyā¦theyāre also from a time when you only had to apply for jobs in person and not online so maybe itās hard for them to visualize things.
Your response feels very poetic and optimistic @Force_Obscure, thank you for taking the time to write it. Youāre right, there is no timer counting down to get things done. Itās often hard to remember that.
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iām rooting for you. youāre super talented!
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Nothing better to wake yourself up than sleeping in 40 minutes extra, only having 20 mins to get to work, for a store opening shift! 
Thank my mum she was awake at time and quickly drove (and calmed me down) me there in an easy 4 minutes
(And I still managed to get there before the other partner!)
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On the subject of bad luck, looks like Iāll be taking my car back to the repair shop again. Last September I discovered a small amount of damage to the roof of my car which was later confirmed to be from a bullet. Thankfully nobody was in the car at the time and the bullet didnāt get through to the inside and I have no idea who did it. Of course I called my insurance and made an appointment for repairs, but the earliest date wasnāt until December. I was annoyed but I stuck it out and got it fixed in about ten days which was much sooner then I expected. 
And now months later, as Iām getting ready to go to work this morning, Iāve discovered the side window on the passager side of the backseat is shattered. Aināt life just grand? 
But anyway, this is just some minor venting.
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My dad is in the hospital for the forseeable week or two.
He went for a stress test for his heart a few days ago, but I guess he āfailedā the test and they had to keep him there for some more x-rays and tests to see what was going wrong.
Well, heās got some blocked arteries to his heart, and is going to need a bypass surgery to fix it (which should give him 20 more years apparently which is good)
No date for that yet, theyāre still figuring that out with the surgeon.
Luckily heās at the hospital my mom literally works at so she can visit anytime sheās there, easy. I visited too couple times this past weekend.
Anyway, itās a bit scary, but heās doing totally fine, feeling normal.
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That sounds dangerous 
Did they stole something out of your car?
I wish your father and your family all the best and hope he will be alright 
sending you lots of love and strength 
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Thankfully no. Not that I keep anything in there worthwhile to steal, other then some spare change in the glove compartment.
Edit: Now that I had time for further inspection, itās worse than I originally thought. The key ignition slot along with the compartment was torn open so itās seems whoever was trying to steal the car itself and failed. Unfortunately I canāt even start it up because of the damage they did.
Thankfully I can barrow my motherās car for the time being until I can get it towed.
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Update: He finally got the bypass surgery yesterday, it all went well. Went to see him in the ICU today, (they managed to do a bypass for all 3 heart veins so now heās not blocked at all!). Heās got a whole bunch of tubes and needles and bags stuck in him which was kinda scary, but thatās supposed to happen. he was feeling pretty tired, but he was awake and making sense so thatās good news.
The thing that was actually pretty scary was that apparently his heartbeat is a bit irregular and faster than it should be, but shouldnāt be an issue if his blood pressure doesnāt drop. Itās probably because the heart can work more efficiently, itās not used to needing to use less effort on pumping blood.
He should be out of the ICU and in the normal Cardiovascular ward within a day or two, fingers crossed he can heal up soon enough to get out of the hospital after that.
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Gotta get this one of my chest. I think Im struggling with the inability to get into close contact with women (a.k.a the love zone) while also suffering from the fear of ending up alone.
It still happens from time to time that friends deny an invite for fun plans because they want to plan stuff with their partner. At these moments Im left alone and feel abandoned by the people I dig the most. On moments like those I end up doing nothing and being bored while theyre out having the time of their lives. I also want to experience that and not feel miserable all the time. I too want to be loved by a girl and do fun things with her. In my 23 years old life I have never had a girlfriend. You cant believe how pathetic I feel about that. Im often being confronted about it, and lemme tell you in those instances I want to die on the spot.
My mates often conversate about going on holidays with their girl and even thinking about living together. Thats when Im afraid Iāll be left in this teenager stage and I will never be able to grow up like in the way I want to. You could say: focus on yourself, enjoy single life, dont put it on a pedestal. But frankly thats easier said than done. I could do the things I like and go to the gym 7 days a week and still feel like shite in the same moments. There comes a moment where I want to stand on my own feet with someone on my side but it seems to me Iām not able to.
I mentioned I have trouble talking to women romantically. To be clear: Im not autistic or anything like that. In my social life and even my work I talk to women with no trouble. Its when a women flirts with me I switch back to a 12 year old kid not knowing what to do and ready to flee. I feel like that way Ill dodge the bullet. When I was a young kid I flirted around with a girl in my class. I was the loser who got bullied, so when the pricks got word of it I got kicked to the ground and publicly humiliated. Like I wasnt allowed. The bullying completely fucked up my confidence and since then I was always on my toes. A few years back I talked to a cute lady in my class and because of my romantic incompetence and fear of rejection the conversations bled to death. Another sign for me that I cant have love. Or a twisted voice in my head saying that I dont deserve it (or so it seems). So every now and then when a lady looks at me the right way, I turn my head in fear. Not knowing what to do and saving myself a rejection. To not experience again what once happened.
I told this to my friends. Ofcourse they understand, but it wont change the situation. As long as nothing changes. Im left with only female (and male) friends and no girlfriend. Miserable and alone.
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Sorry in advance if it was too descriptive. I feel it could help me.
The school took us to a camp for 3 days, around 40 of us. There were a group of 80 students from another state residing in the same camp. We were staying on the ground floor whilst they were already on floor 1. Floor 1 included a shared dining room.
Yesterday, the popular football match El ClĆ”sico was being held. Being the ātechā guy, I was asked by others to set up the TV present in the dining room around 2 hours prior to the match. I took my laptop there and tested the possibility of streaming a match with the available equipment, it worked. I left the laptop there and went back to my room.
15 minutes remaining, I left the room to set up the match stream and call other rooms to join. Half way to the stairway, our principal and a classmate stopped me, claiming the situation up there was not quite ok. āKids started fighting, their supervisors separated them while utterly cursing and hitting them. One boy was taken out of the building as punishment by one of the supervisorsā Curious to find out more, I took the path to the bathroom which had a view of the stairway. A supervisor was yelling at a kid, and some were crying.
Realizing I wouldnāt be able to set the match up given the constraints, I went out of the building to get some fresh air. Thatās when I saw the boy. On the ground, right near the front door (not visible from inside), lying on his chest and stretching his hands forward. Only having a glance at him, first I thought he was looking for something, though I couldnāt find a thing after a quick look on the ground. Thinking he might be playing hide and seek, I looked back at himā¦ His body was shaking, his body was locked (the body was shaking as if it didnāt have any bone joints), his eyes were white, his mouth was foaming. I have no idea how but he managed to mutter ācall helpā in that situation.
I ran back into the building, yelling much louder than the angry supervisor āYour student is having a convulsion, front door!ā. He didnāt care. Some kids, realizing it was the same person taken out (possibly concluding something out of a part of the story I didnāt know) started to call the supervisors as well. They still didnāt care; So, I yelled as loud as I could, āMan, your student is dying! Come down!ā which somehow convinced one of them to take the situation seriously. I mean, youāve brought them from another state, you are to protect them. Take a look and beat me if I was lying, that aināt hard for you mate. I was too shocked, I forgot to call an ambulance. The supervisor lifted him up to a table. His body was like a piece of wood, gravity couldnāt beat his body lock. His arms and feet stayed at the same weird position as when he was on the ground when he was lifted.
The supervisorās face was yelling I aināt got no idea what I should do with this. They decided, in all seriousness, to put a garbage bin aside the table in case he puked while foaming. So, our principal quickly came, turned him to his side and struggled to open his mouth canal with a tissue. The boy, being able to breathe properly, instantaneously started to cry and shout āI canāt see, I canāt see!ā.
The camp was a bit remote so the supervisor decided to take him to a hospital himself, instead of calling an ambulance. They did that 15 minutes later because the boy ālookedā better. I know. I know man. But I donāt know whatās going on inside of him, take him to a hospital!
He was taken, ultimately. I found myself crying, mixed with headache and nausea. I kept walking in the camp that night until 2AM, it was freezing cold and rainy but I couldnāt sleep. My brain was keeping his picture in front of me everywhere I went. I cried a lot outside and went back to sleep.
Iām still shocked but further thinking what wouldāve happened to him if I didnāt randomly decide to go outside. Iām still not sure if it was convulsion or seizure, else if it was caused by the beatings of the supervisors or the stress pressure they put on him.
The supervisors though: yelled at students, cursed them, hit them, forced them to stay outside while it was cold and rainy, refused to check on a student who was reportedly ādyingā, had delays in taking the boy to the hospital and the list goes on. Complete assholes.
I canāt stop thinking about him. Oh god.
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damn, thatās heavy, man. sounds like youāre in shock. you did the right things given the circumstances. youāre a good man. 
iām not going to lie, stuff like that sticks on you for a good while. i promise you, its impact will dilute somewhat over time. that was a hard thing to share and i gotta commend your bravery in doing so. bottling it up would be the wrong move, so if itās still overwhelming you in a few weeks, make sure you share that.
and listen, those supervisors? they donāt sound like assholes, man. negligent cunts is the preferred term.
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Thanks man. Itās indeed better after a few days but crap I canāt get rid of the image even in my sleep. Itās just there, with less effect as time goes on.
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I wasnāt so active here recently, because things got much worse. I am on sick leave for six weeks now. My job sucks and I just donāt enjoy it anymore. I have been diagnosed with depression and burn out. On Thursday I have an interview with my current employer, but for a different field and I hope so much that I get the job so I can finally have something fun and challenging again 
Papas condition is also much worse. He lost much weight because he isnāt able to eat. He says he kinda has some ādisgustā against food and drinks. The metastasis on his kidneys got much bigger, so he is in hospital now to get a radiation there. He was always optimistic, but now he starts being frustrated, especially because he wants to be at home. I call him everyday, we make jokes, we wish us a nice day and after every call right after hanging up I cry. I am still having problems to deal with all this and accepting this. Of course, you know that your parents will die at some point and you also see that they are getting older, just as I am getting older. But to see my fatherās process of decay accelerate like this now overwhelms me 
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Itās all good, I actually think itās really nice that youāre asking @Heisenberg 
Itās still up and down. Last week I had the interview with my current employer and was quite confident, but then on Friday my boss called me and said that I lacked the necessary experience for what I would like to do. That was very disappointing and right now I feel a bit more desperate again. Iām going to talk to my boss again personally, because she spoke about another offer. I hope itās something suitable, because otherwise Iāll have to resign and look for a new employer 
My dad is also sometimes well and sometimes not so well Since the radiotherapy for the metastases in his kidneys began, he has had less abdominal pain. But he has continued to lose weight, is very tired and generally no longer very capable. It is hard to see the man who was always my āstrong heroā so weak, you understand what I mean? 
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Sorry to hear that. Not many turn arounds for either of those issues, but hopefully things will improve on the job front, and so long as your father isnāt in agony. Small victories in a merciless world I guess.
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