Hello everyone i hope you missed me!
I went completely dark for a couple days to clear my mind of people and stress in life. And alot has happened, but Iām back and all good (hopefully anyway)
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The thing is, the morally correct way to ask for donations is not doing the trick. They are aware they have to rely on more emotional approaches. If you believe in your cause you start to pick the pragmatic way. And no matter if it is social anxiety or pity, they count on somehow get you to agree one way or another. It is perfectly fine to not play along with that and decide if you really want to donate when you have a more clear mind. 
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Youāre right about that, I guess itās okay to go back on things like that, when they put you on the spot and lots of pressure to at least get something out of you from a visitā¦
It was a simple mistake, and I didnāt sign a contract or anything!
Itās still the weekend, so I guess all my requests and payments are in limbo until the next business day/people are at work. Which is frustrating when I want to put this all behind me now! 
Learning opportunity for next time, brain.
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Not good day at work todayyy 
Was feeling quite stressed, mixed up on a lot of simple things. Why is this happening to me again today 
At least it was a slow day so they let me leave 30mins early to cut down on labour, got time to prepare for therapy so I can do that now and hope thatāll help
I know I mightāve seemed fine all morning today but thats just not the case right now
Uuugh 
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Iām sad to hear that you had such a bad day at work 
Maybe itās good that you will have therapy today, so you can talk about that immediately and donāt have to carry it with you all the time. I hope you will feel better soon 
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Thank you Mini 
It was my last of 3 work-provided sessions (you can get free short term help through a partner program at SB), but it was good to at least air my grievances and frustrations with the job with with myself recently.
(I do have hopefully a longer-term therapist lined up, weāre still figuring out timing for the first session, but Iām hopeful (and work insurance can help too hehe))
The person on the other end also helped me think of some good tips and suggestions of how I might be able to improve or get a less-stressful/busy shift at work. And also to just reach out to friends and family for help in organizing/breaking down some audition searches Iāve been heavily overwhelmed with and putting off, no shame neededā¦
Thanks to everyone else who just offers a like. Iām really grateful so many of you care. I hope I donāt feel like a broken record with how much anxious feelings I post here.
Now to have a lunch, and then hopefully relax and have fun with that new Hitman mode 
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I donāt know what to sayā¦ many of you know that last year my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. He has been in hospital for more than a week now and today we got the news that he probably has metastases in his kidneys and liver.
I am totally devastated. Iām currently in the exam phase at university and on the one hand I want to get these exams over with, but on the other hand I canāt think straight or stop crying right now. I would love to just give up, but I think Papa would be very disappointed. I think the last thing he wants now is for me to change my life because of his sickness.
But it is so hard to keep a clear head 
I will write my professors and ask them for a bit more time to finish the exams, I will explain them the situation. Maybe they have a heart and give me a bit more time till I will feel betterā¦
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iām sorry to hear that, mini. sending out military-grade internet hugs.
iāve no doubt they will. these are extenuating circumstances and they usually have protocols in place for it.
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Iām losing hope in having an art career. Several rejections. One job scam that I almost fell for (they can go to hell for that. preying on people who already have a tough career choice is evil). Of course, there is a guaranteed job that I could return to but they overworked and understaffed people. It also was not about art. The family is already shaming me about how Iām not doing enough on top of all of these rejections. Really, what else is there to do here other than keep trying? Which is what Iām doing? This situation feels more soul-crushing by the minute and I donāt want to be alive
One thing getting me through this is knowing I could play Freelancer at night and forget it all temporarily when everyone else is asleep. Yeah, prioritiesā¦
thanks for reading, guess typing this here helped somewhat
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what are you looking for in particular?
that suuucks. maybe they think theyāre helpingā¦?
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If your passion made you who you are, then you shouldnāt quit.
Maybe consider having a livelihood in the sector that would suit you best, like many people, and continue creating without being paid.
Indeed, donāt give up on applications - even if you need a break.
You are an example for those who discover your work.
And youāre an artist, which means more sensitive, for better and for worse.
Keep a healthy lifestyle to help you drive away bad thoughts.
Relativize the remarks if you donāt find them relevant and stay away from toxic people.
Never give up on your dreams, because in life we fight for honor.
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Something with graphic design, maybe being an illustrator or 2D animator. Been applying for anything and everything though
probablyā¦theyāre also from a time when you only had to apply for jobs in person and not online so maybe itās hard for them to visualize things.
Your response feels very poetic and optimistic @Force_Obscure, thank you for taking the time to write it. Youāre right, there is no timer counting down to get things done. Itās often hard to remember that.
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iām rooting for you. youāre super talented!
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<3 thank you @Screaming_Meat
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Nothing better to wake yourself up than sleeping in 40 minutes extra, only having 20 mins to get to work, for a store opening shift! 
Thank my mum she was awake at time and quickly drove (and calmed me down) me there in an easy 4 minutes
(And I still managed to get there before the other partner!)
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On the subject of bad luck, looks like Iāll be taking my car back to the repair shop again. Last September I discovered a small amount of damage to the roof of my car which was later confirmed to be from a bullet. Thankfully nobody was in the car at the time and the bullet didnāt get through to the inside and I have no idea who did it. Of course I called my insurance and made an appointment for repairs, but the earliest date wasnāt until December. I was annoyed but I stuck it out and got it fixed in about ten days which was much sooner then I expected. 
And now months later, as Iām getting ready to go to work this morning, Iāve discovered the side window on the passager side of the backseat is shattered. Aināt life just grand? 
But anyway, this is just some minor venting.
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My dad is in the hospital for the forseeable week or two.
He went for a stress test for his heart a few days ago, but I guess he āfailedā the test and they had to keep him there for some more x-rays and tests to see what was going wrong.
Well, heās got some blocked arteries to his heart, and is going to need a bypass surgery to fix it (which should give him 20 more years apparently which is good)
No date for that yet, theyāre still figuring that out with the surgeon.
Luckily heās at the hospital my mom literally works at so she can visit anytime sheās there, easy. I visited too couple times this past weekend.
Anyway, itās a bit scary, but heās doing totally fine, feeling normal.
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That sounds dangerous 
Did they stole something out of your car?
I wish your father and your family all the best and hope he will be alright 
sending you lots of love and strength 
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Thankfully no. Not that I keep anything in there worthwhile to steal, other then some spare change in the glove compartment.
Edit: Now that I had time for further inspection, itās worse than I originally thought. The key ignition slot along with the compartment was torn open so itās seems whoever was trying to steal the car itself and failed. Unfortunately I canāt even start it up because of the damage they did.
Thankfully I can barrow my motherās car for the time being until I can get it towed.
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Update: He finally got the bypass surgery yesterday, it all went well. Went to see him in the ICU today, (they managed to do a bypass for all 3 heart veins so now heās not blocked at all!). Heās got a whole bunch of tubes and needles and bags stuck in him which was kinda scary, but thatās supposed to happen. he was feeling pretty tired, but he was awake and making sense so thatās good news.
The thing that was actually pretty scary was that apparently his heartbeat is a bit irregular and faster than it should be, but shouldnāt be an issue if his blood pressure doesnāt drop. Itās probably because the heart can work more efficiently, itās not used to needing to use less effort on pumping blood.
He should be out of the ICU and in the normal Cardiovascular ward within a day or two, fingers crossed he can heal up soon enough to get out of the hospital after that.
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