My grandfather has in all likelihood alzeihmer. Grandparents were in denial. He went from healthy to entirely lost in less than a year. My grandfather just doesnāt exist anymore. We knew he had some memory issues. But how much was covered up by my grandmother. So itās coming as a shock.
I donāt know how I feel about how Iām reacting to it. Iām sad, yet peaceful and resigned about it.
As the old saying goes āItās all expirations. Lets do our duties.ā
Iām kind of nervous, I have a doctorās appointment scheduled for tuesday because Iāve been noticing some concerning symptoms around my stomach-colon area. I saw my doctor at the beginning of 2023 and he suggested a diet for IBS, which I didnāt really stick to because it was difficult for me. Iām hoping that itās just IBS or something similar and not colon cancer, itās kind of terrifying because the symptoms overlap heavily between the two so itās really impossible for me to know without finding out from my doctor. So between now and tuesday at the least Iām going to be feeling a little on edge.
I didnāt even know you were old enough to worry about colon cancer.
Well Iām not really, Iām 32, but really anyone can get cancer at any age even if itās not as likely when youāre younger. One of my best friends found out that he had stage 4 lung cancer in 2015, it spread to his brain and pancreas and ultimately killed him at 26. So Iām a little on guard when certain weird things start happening that ideally shouldnāt be, even if itās likely explained by something less severe.
No that is perfectly understandable, you will always doubt statistics if you saw or knew an exception and not the rule. Still in my country 32 is still a pretty rare age for colon cancer, I would never say not to keep the possibility of it open but I would say it is either your IBS acting up especially if you have had trouble sticking to the planned diet for whatever reason.
See itās far more likely to be IBS or something similar, itās just the chance of it being worse thatās scaring me. Still, thank you for the reassurances because it is likely not as bad as I worry it could be.
The reason why I made the appointment is because I saw blood in my vomit after a night of drinking recently (and I hardly ever drink these days). There are other issues besides that that have me on edge, but that was concerning enough that I felt like it needed to be addressed.
So my appointment was for wednesday, not today. Found that out when I went all the way to the doctorās office for no reason. I may be a bit frazzled.
One might even say youāreā¦ rattled.
But anyway good luck, weāre rooting for you.
So I went to the doctor, and it went well. He said that the blood in my vomit was likely caused by forceful vomiting, and alleviated some other concerns that I had besides that. He did, however, recommend that I seek counselling because he said that I have an eating disorder and issues with addiction. So thatās still not amazing, but Iām at minimum 85% less concerned about having cancer than I was a few hours ago. So thatās good. Thank you everyone here for the support, I was pretty worried going into this.
A person at work that I confided to about my past issues with Alcohol Addiction weaponized it against me and implied that they hope I relapse and go back to the lowest point in my life.
Not much gets under my skin, but boy I feel like trash.
Youāre not trash. They are for being so awful. You had an issue. You worked on it/are working on it still. This jerk is hoping you fail so they can then in their eyes be better than you. Hemingway would not approve and neither should you or any of your coworkers. Sorry you had a rough day at the office.
āThere is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.ā
Wait 4-5 months until they canāt know that itās you then smash in their windshield or something.
please donāt smash their windshield or damage any other property. some people are just dumb fucks and thereās nothing you can do to fix it. you donāt deserve that kind of abuse at work (or anywhere). can you talk to HR?
My two Ben & Jerryās Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough now looks and tastes weird after I put it in the freezer for a while. I think itās called freezer burn. I passed it to my grandmother, maybe we can make it to a milkshake or something.
Last time Iām buying more than one ice cream brand at a time. At least the HƤagen-Dazs Coffee ice cream is fine so far.
If you have freezer burned ice cream, instead of throwing it away make bread out of it.
2 cups ice cream
1.5 cups self-rising flour
Mix together, put into a loaf pan, and bake at 350 degrees (Fahrenheit or about 176 Celsius) for 40-45 minutes.
Adulting is tough and I havenāt been the best at it.
To make a long story short, I was late for work yesterday, slept in, very scary. No write-ups or anything thankfully (despite a month ago being warned about it when it happened again in quick succession), it was a pretty chill and quiet day overall too.
But I also had an emotional chat with my folks after, who I still live with, who care about me very much, and Iām sorry Iāve worried them a lot with myā¦ lax routine letās sayā¦ I need to do better.
I agree I need to have better sleep self-discipline, more variety in my daily routines, and better organization of what I want to get done in my life.
Itās just beenā¦ very overwhelming. And I for sure havenāt been using my support systems, (especially my āroommateā parents as best I shouldā¦)
If you can send a hug or two thatād be nice. 
I havenāt been doing the best at organizing my life, and thatās all on me. And I need to, I KNOW I can do better. 
Iāve just always had a lot going on. Story of my life.
And due to how my brain works and habits Iāve formed, I tend to avoid (intentional or not) the important, normal things in life I need to be stable.
Donāt worry too much. You know you can do better. But you donāt have to. The secret of adults: Somehow it will always work out in the end. Until my 30s Iāve slept during most of the day, gone out and partying almost every night, didnāt really have a job, always had money problems. Somehow Iām more settled now, still go out sometimes during the week. But Iāve made so many connections, so many friends and so many supporters that Iāve got a great job ā lost it a month ago and thanks to those connections got a new one almost immediately.
Thatās just to demonstrate: It will work out. Trust me on that one. You donāt have to be the best person on the world. You just do what you think is right and youāll always be the best version of yourself. Make mistakes. Thatās how you learn. Apologize (if you mean it, otherwise donāt do it). Thatās how you grow.
And hereās your hug:
Iām starting to be burned out on everything in life at the moment. Work is too busy, collegues are dropping too ambitious projects onto my lap with way too little time to finish it. Meanwhile theyāre constantly whining about each other to me, while I deliberatly said they have to talk to each other about this shit.
My personal life also isnt leaving any room for relaxing anymore. Yesterday I was drained from energy but I decided to still hit the gym bc my mate was coming. In the end he cancelled and I was there fighting myself to not collapse.
I get home and my dipshit sisters rabbits are all over the place. There is one in the living room making a mess and completely destroying his pen. Litterly beside the couch he is tossing around all sorts of noisy shit. I go upstairs and there is another pen with two rabbits in it which is another obstacle in my path. I lay in bed, and these rabbits are on the loose in my sisā room, clawing at the walls while Iām trying to sleep. I exploded from frustration yesterday and scolded my moms and sis that the animals have to fuck off from the house.
While sleeping, I continue to dream about this and hear myself say in my dream that āmaybe Iād kill myself to finally get some restā. I wake up emotionally distressed trying to calm myself. Iām not suicidal at all btw, so this shook me.
This morning I wake up sweating, my thoughts spiraling down into misery since I have an intense working day planned across the border.
All of this is bringing me down. Along with the busy christmas schedule where I have no control over (it feels) Iām starting to reach the end of my limits here.
As someone who deals with intrusive thoughts and is having a pretty bad run of them right now, it is not unusual to have them though being aware of them might be weird and it might not even be the only time it happens. Intrusive thoughts are incredibly natural even ones of self-harm or suicide. The brain just usually filters it out better than right now for you.
Unsurprisingly I am willing to bet it is the stress that is getting to you. Unfortunately aside from telling your tallest project manager to eat the smaller one, I donāt have a lot of advice your personal life.