i feel trapped. currently right now im sitting on the sidewalk at my job sipping on a redbull typing this out cause i just need to put it somewhere.
constant feeling of walking on eggshells, thatās apart of a larger list of issues. no sign of improvement on their end. job search ceased in favor of the tumultuous task of trying to get disability. meanwhile every little mistake I make is treated as a damning thing. canāt enjoy my hobbies without comments being made about feeling alone. any opportunity of trying to save money is non existent when all they want is to eat out.
they just self loathe, and make threats against their person when a minor inconvenience happens. im just emotionally exhausted, confused, and want to sleep.
i have more i want to say, but bills need to be paid and i gotta go back working to inevitably be meant with the same thing with no reason sign of change.
Iām sorry to hear all that Swang. Anxiety is no joke, and I know how hard the job market and claiming benefits can be. You deserve to be able to enjoy your hobbies without any judgement.
Sorry to hear all that. Sounds like you two gotta have a serious talk about how you feel. Maybe a couples counsellor would be useful, but maybe not necessary. In any case I wish you luck.
Iām sorry to hear things are so stressful, Swang. Taking a moment to sit and thoroughly discuss matters with your partner with no electronic distractions would be something to do. Like insist on it. Otherwise, this is extremely unhealthy and unsustainable.
Both of you have to be on the same page, and it seems like theyāre lacking in empathy for you, which really sucks. I hope your situation improves and youāre able to enjoy your hobbies again without added stress soon.
Been a while since I was on here and in the forums. Life has been very busy for me. In a fair few ways that is a good thing as it will keep me out of the confines of my mind that I often myself in which is bad in most cases as it leads down familiarly dark paths of my own thoughts to upset myself. Keeping productive is definitely a core tenant of my own personality and I actually enjoy working quite a lot, even in the largely disliked sector that retail lies within entry level career paths at my age of 23. This was my first ever foray into employment and I managed to get it off of my own back despite tough circumstances and employment struggles being in such a remote part of the UK where everything economically is seasonally driven on tourism (Devon for the fellow UK forumers out there!). Anyways, it is good going right now as I have managed to work a lot of overtime which gets me out of the house and away from my parents, whom I have a very tense and non existent bonding with. Itās like a live in landlord situation.
Last time I was here, I spoke candidly of my depression and suicidal ideation, plus a bit more that I canāt remember too much. The good thing is that those have subsided with the productivity I find myself in plus the positive moments I can cling onto through undeniable successes I have achieved despite the traumatic and abusive nature of my childhood and life events that put me on a difficult starting path. Iāve got my driving test in November and once that is settled, Iāll be looking to get a car so I can finally move back to Hampshire (where I was originally born and lived until 2022 where I was forced to move down here as I had no other option at the time). I miss the place every day and I feel like once I move there, I can start to finally live for myself and feel what it is truly like to live. Maybe. I have still got a long ways to go and lots to learn of adulthood and living for myself rather than for the benefit of others.
I also recently was on holiday in Hampshire on a two week staycation in August to see some of my old friends whom have been in contact the whole time (somewhat leaning on my own initiation, however) I have been down here and it was nice to see them and feel like I had been away from the shackles of my parents and my family. I know renting my own place as a single 23 year old will be difficult, not least financially but for what I see it as, it will be the strongest move possible for me to live my own life and start to make more important decisions that benefit myself, rather than thinking about others.
I honestly could never imagine myself to have the courage to speak out like I have done just a few years ago where I couldāve lost my life twice had I chosen differently, but Iāve slowly realised the good things that can be in my life and Iām grateful for the few online friends I have gotten close to who make every day worth waking up to, when it was never that beforehand. Not to say that it isnāt still a struggle because it can be and I know those familiar with these mental struggles will feel similarly about the hopelessness of it all. Itās different for everyone and everything you go through.
Thank you for those who provide this space to voice your opinions freely and vent about anything you need to do to get your own head better again. I really appreciate it.
(And yes, definitely excited about playing more new content as 47 soon!)
Bit of a depressing time of late, in regards to my love of dogs. Last week commemorated 5 years since my little Peggy died. On the 5th will be one year since Peach died. Harpy had to be rushed to the vet this evening for weird sounds she was making; sheās ok, caught whatever it was early, but still it was stressing. And an absolutely horribly neglected bulldog puppy I found on instagram the other day who was being cared for by the Austin Bulldog Rescue passed away while they were trying to treat him. It was one of the most dreadful things Iād ever seen. One of those cases where I just donāt have any faith in humanity and wish the pandemic had taken us all out. No reality that allows that level of suffering to the most loving of all animals deserves to continue existing. Considering even a recovery would have been a damaged and painful life ahead of him, I suppose itās a mercy that he passed, but that any dog had to pass not knowing the love and care that they should have received is almost more than I can bear. Anyway, adding all that up together, and itās a really depressing recipe. Iām actually surprised Iām not feeling more despair than I usually do at such times. Iāve come to hate September, itās always trouble for dogs I care about.