Guard:
– Can you find a cop or something?.. Sorry, right. I… I’ll take a look
5 Likes
Me (Disguised as a Guard): *Walks past other Guard"
Guard: Hey, you seen Ramon? No? Heh, problably sleeps in a Closet somewhere.
13 Likes
I can’t remember the exact words but the speech the guard in Romania gives about how 47 is overhyped and how he’d beat him in a fight was hilarious when 47 is stood right next to him.
I didn’t take the bait 
7 Likes
Wasn’t it Montgomery in Berlin? Too much dressing up too little actual combat?
1 Like
2 Likes
spotted in Dubai, I climbed a ladder to avoid combat and heard below
“Carrying a high-caliber sniper rifle, dressed like Santa Claus!”
I freaking love it.
7 Likes
A few golden oldies…
18 Likes
Yes Montgomery was funny too!!
But on romania level there’s two guards chatting about 47. One goes into a long dialogue about how 47 is overhyped, and he’s only good at sneaking around but he could probably beat him in a real fight. very funny. 
2 Likes
@1:52, a guard takes a Sieker 1 shot and says “AHHHHH! I JUST SHARTED!”
and @2:04, the ever classic, “Oh boy! Hot lava comin’ outta my ass!”
8 Likes
Marrakesh soldier in front of shoe shop sees Santa:
Ho-ho HOLD IT! This entry point is restricted and Santa. . . is not on my list! So go find a chimney!
or
Where are my gifts? Well. . . you can forget about walking through here, Santa - SCRAM!
also
If I let Santa through here, we’ll have leprechauns, elves and fuckin’ reindeer that wanna do the same!
15 Likes
Hokkaido security guard
-
Hi Santa. I know, I know, I’ve been a bad boy.
-
Santa, you fail miserably. No one likes you anymore.
-
Happy Holidays my obese friend. Make sure to take a BABY aspirin!
8 Likes
Santa is a lie; HE’S A LIE.
2 Likes
Those NPCs mysteriously disappear.
1 Like
“I think he’s on crack” 
It fitted so well in that situation
4 Likes
Lol, I was watching a hitman dialogue video, at one point 47 stands too close to a guard and he lets out this amazing monotone line:
“I’m feeling very vulnerableeee todayyyy in my spaceeee… I can’t wait to see your faceeee…”
(This doesn’t seem to be a reference to a song or anything, no idea why he kind of sings it)
edit: heh I found a clip of it
9 Likes
Came across a really fun one just now, as I tried to run away from a guard escorting me.
“If you try to run away, I’ve got a full clip of little friends and they can all run faster than you!” 
5 Likes
Was playing a Sapienza escalation in Hitman 3 last night. Yard-worker who came to investigate distraction saw me and delivered a full 30-second, practically verbatim quote from Tom Cruise’s famous Scientology awards video, the part where he says being a Scientologist means you know you’re the only one that can save the world.
6 Likes
Just remembered one time when I went past someone in Hokkaido
“I cannot recommend the herbal enema. Oof, nooo siree”
1 Like
Can’t remember this one word-for-word, but I heard this conversation between two guards in the attic in Paris.
“It’s really Dalia Margolis the one pulling all the strings.”
“Yep. You know what they say, behind every great man, there stands a great woman… with a strap-on.”
“Hah, is-- is that really what they say? Wow, that’s–that’s hilarious.”
(In a proud tone) “It’s the way I say it and the way I like it.”
[Conversation ends]
14 Likes
that’s from dusk till dawn
3 Likes