🗣 Sessions with Lafayette - Serious Issues Thread

Uh wow. I did not anticipate this much input, it means a lot. I’m sorry that I couldn’t reply sooner, because yesterday I was very out of it, to put it mildly

I guess it was less so about the birthday itself, but having it exist as a reminder of time running out, lonliness…and seeing people I loved not really care. It made me examine everything more strongly than I already was. It’s like, if I were gone, would it matter? Have I even done anything worth remembering or made any substantial progress, career wise? It was almost like seeing a preview of that reality. Didn’t help that another job rejection letter came through that day too.

It’s a shame that some of you have felt this way and can relate though, and I’m extremely sorry to hear that. At least we’re not alone.

I’m really glad they were able to help you! That’s great and I hope you continue to feel better. However, I don’t have the funds for that, so it’s just about how to cope with this right now, for me

That’s a great point. I actually mentioned how I felt to my mother (omitting the suicidal part - she has enough problems of her own already), and she said it could help to join some of the local clubs that our community has. Even if it’s something like fishing, gardening, whatever. Simply getting outside and interacting with anyone can improve your mindset, so they say


It meant a lot to hear these things and be reassured that this feeling won’t last forever. Thank you for the responses, @jan342 @EvilGeniusRo @schatenjager @Urben @Hichkas @zubin47 @TheChicken @HerbGamer and to everyone else who liked the post. I value your support a lot and it helped to read your different perspectives and affirmations. Even if I still don’t feel 100%, it’s still better than yesterday. Again, thanks guys. I’m sorry to be annoying about this on here.

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There isn’t much I can add that hasn’t already been said. I will say though, a club can really help out. Last year, I got persuaded by a co-worker to join a games club that does Warhammer 40k. Go there every Wednesday for 3 hours and it gives me something to look forward to, means I’m talking to people outside of work which I don’t do much of. It doesn’t have to be anything super in-depth or anything, just something to get you with people. I find it a bright spot when I have very bad weeks and very negative thoughts gives me an outlet.

Needless to say, you are worth it, and you have achieved stuff in your life and I’m sure will continue to achieve stuff, even if idiots around you don’t recognise it. The 3 pictures I commissioned off you still mean alot to me, and I know I’m not the only one who can say that. Also, you and anyone else on this thread aren’t annoying for posting here. So many of us do go through bad stuff in different ways.

I’m glad you’re feeling at least a bit better today. Any progress is good progress.

JackRusty

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It really sucks to try your best at something, and yet still fall below expectations…
Did I mention on Sept. 5th, it was my 1 year anniversary of working at starbucks? This makes this following conversation especially difficult.

Near the beginning of the summer, I had a chat with my manager about my performance and how I was still falling short of being 100% independent on bar/till.

I had been moved to strictly afternoon/closing shifts (since there’s more downtime) to also try out if that benefitted me.

Just had another chat after my return shift just now, to check in on that.
(Honestly it’s been like 2 months, I thought everything was going okay. Not really…)

He’s noted feedback he got from supervisors over the summer, and I’m still not at the level of independency needed to be 100% efficient. Partners generally shift in to cover some slack in the 2nd bar or till, even in generally slow periods… which is not good.

He also noted that apparently (and he stressed multiple times that it’s not because people don’t like me – no one’s said any issues about me as a person) that I tend to give off a sense of anxiety or stress or being flustered, and that once I leave a shift, partners feel less stressed about their own positions.
That… was really hard to hear. God damn it.
I know that in general - and especially at this job - I have a sense of stress or anxiety about it. Social anxiety sometines makes it hard to interact openly, and my processing disorder makes my brain on catch-up mode all the time… Try as I might, there’s still some part of me that’s on edge about keeping a big mental list of shifting tasks, or swapping between drink recipies quickly… still, I’m sad that it seems to be rubbing off on others…

I’m a little surprised by all this, and a little not, since I do know that people have been shifting in to help me at bar/till tasks over the summer, and I should be mostly covering it myself (especially in our slow period when we have fewer people during any given shift).

At the very least, my manager is a good guy, and while at this point it should lead to a write-up of some sort for me - not being up to the standards of the job - he’s belaying that for now and we’re going to see if the Starbucks Accessibility group/program has any help or special condition they can allow me, so as to keep my job or keep me from being below the required expectations of this… (unless I inherently am unable to fulfill the conditions of the job which would be a big issue).

God… this was a lot to be thrown at once. I really didn’t know what to say to my manager other than I agree that part of me still finds this job mentally difficult and right now I have no idea if I should be really sad about it or accept that its true I’m not up to par… :persevere:

Edit: fuck. No. I’m Really not doing good with this :disappointed_relieved:

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I always found that Starbucks having very obtuse expectations for workers at their locations. I haven’t worked as a barista, but what I can say is serving coffee isn’t particularly an occupation I envy given customers are very particular and specific with their orders.

What I can say maybe a change is in order. It isn’t for everyone, but bartending I always found to be easier compared to learning the intricate details of a dark roast and a breakfast blend.

I say this from experience and it’s something I encourage the future leadership at my job to look into since you’re opening new doors and opportunities. Bartending is as simple as remembering drink recipes and just having a good personality. Plus I found people buying alcohol to be a lot nicer compared to people ordering things like a burger. But that’s just me.

I hope things improve, I’m not insisting you quit on your job if you genuinely like the work. Because at the end of the day what matters is you’re happy doing what you do and no one can take that way from you.

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Thanks swang :yellow_heart:

As it stands, I don’t want to think about looking for another job right now. Don’t even want to consider it.

I like this job I have. Its not entirely fun all the time, but the people are nice and the consistency in shifts my manager has tried to keep me in has been nice.

It also pays pretty well with some great insurance so that’s a good bonus.

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If you asked him to not involve you anymore, where is the dilemma? That you actually want to help him by being part of it?

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That and the fact that he might be involving me without prior notice in a way that I’d be left uncalled. Next time will surely be his last time though, I have the options to make sure of that.

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Had a chat with my mom, and while I do know that I’m a lot less stressed than I was in the first 3 months of having this job – I can’t deny that I’m still probably living in a anxious state while at work, as it’s just what the job demands of me and what I need to do to get through it. But I’ve been in this anxious state so much, I just don’t notice it… yet others I guess do, and it’s affecting them…

Maybe I need to get medicated after all…

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Hey @TheChicken hope you’re feeling a bit better. I think it is clear that you have put a lot of thought in to the pros and cons of your job. I am also glad that it sounds like you have a supportive manager and you work with people you like.

I just wanted to add to what Swang said. Job hunting can be very hard and stressful, especially when jobs offering mere minimum wage and no benefits think they are entitled to an employee’s full dedication and loyalty. I hate constantly having to retype up my CV for websites that demand I fill in their pointless questions and refuse me just uploading my CV. For 2 jobs I applied for recently, jobs I actually did really want, I ended up doing the applications at the last possible minute due to how much stress it caused me, even with me actively wanting the position.

But I do want to throw up the suggestion that it might be an idea to occasionally do some casual job hunting. By that I mean, go on Google, go on a popular job site (in the UK would be a site like Indeed), search within 10 miles or so, and just see what comes up. Sometimes it can be worth just seeing what is out there, and seeing what jobs do exist. Obviously you’ll get lots of results for your typical stuff like retail, but sometimes you can find more obscure jobs that might make you think that it could suit you. It doesn’t hurt to look.

Personally, I could never be a barista. I worked for Subway and Greggs (a UK coffee sandwich pastry chain) and lost both jobs because I was never fast enough. I just didn’t have the natural quickness those jobs demand. My manager for Greggs was bad, all she did was increase my anxiety and criticise me alot for not learning the job fast enough. I was told to do upselling to customers at the checkout. Like if they were buying a coffee, say they could get a deal if they bought a pastry with the coffee. They said I would be evaluated on this, so I made sure to memorise all the deals and always brought up with every customer I served. My manager criticised me for sounding like a robot to everyone we served because of this.

It can be hard, and it is obvious you are putting alot into it. I think you should at least be proud of the fact you’ve nearly got a year’s service under you now. I’m sorry to hear you are so anxious and stressed.

Stay safe. I finished watching Bluey on Disney+ by the way and need to write about it at some point. Very good show.

Blueyfeet

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Aw thank you, buddy :people_hugging:

I’m dealing with a lot right now, and currently still got my mind on checking what the Accessibility group can do when I call them this week, and what I’ll need to talk about with my therapist when I see her, but I guess I can see what I can do about looking into a cursory search of jobs…
It’s always been a tedious process with confusion on what I might like/be fit for, vs. what I should attempt to get just in case…

Thanks for confiding in having a similar experience too. It’s silly to only think of it now, but it’s good to know that not everyone is best at this kind of stuff, and don’t always hold onto the job easily either. Sorry you couldn’t keep up too :frowning:


You finished 3 seasons of Bluey eh? That’s like… 150 episodes.
I’m only 2/3rds through Season 2. And that’s like over the course of… idk I think a year? Wow, you did that fast.
Episodes are short but I like to ration them out if ya get me.

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Alright.

So since late July my Aunt and her two kids aka my Cousins have been staying with us. They kinda just showed up out of the blue despite us telling them they can’t stay with us because we simply don’t have the space for three other people and we’ve been trying to keep the house as quiet as possible since that’s how we like it. I’ve made more than enough comprises during their stay that I won’t get into here.

My Aunt has been pushing our limits these last three weeks simply because she’d run off into the city and disappear over night doing things she shouldn’t be doing leaving her youngest with us. I’ve already made it clear she can no longer run off doing what she is doing because we both have jobs in which she can’t take advantage of us like this. I already moved our spare key to the house somewhere new where only the people who actually need to know where it is know. My aunt is well aware that if she continues doing what she is doing she isn’t welcomed back.

Well today she ran off into the city again and took her kid just to put us in a moral dilemma. We can’t lock a 7 year old out. Well she came back and brought a kitten too. As much as I love animals I am livid that she didn’t speak with us first simply cause we don’t have the space let alone time to look after one.

She is well aware that her time with us is temporary and isn’t a permanent solution to her housing. We’ve tried getting her government assistance but she denied it cause she didn’t wanna move north and we’ve been giving her various ads and numbers of apartments for rent nearby to which they’ve been falling on deaf ears.

Her youngest isn’t disciplined (timeout, getting grounded, tablet/toys taken away) so most nights it’s a lot of crying and and screaming matches to which I only involve myself when I absolutely have to which I have intervene and told my aunt that she (her daughter) has to come home with her home work folder and do her school work. If she doesn’t then I’m gonna have to start taking away stuff that her daughter uses that I pay for (Disney+, Internet Access, Etc).

I’m just beyond annoyed that I have to start parenting my 7 year old cousin and by extension my 46 year old aunt. My aunt knows she has til the end of October to find a permanent solution to her housing which I feel three months is more than enough to figure out a solution.

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Had a talk with my therapist. Good talk. Have a better plan for what to do now.

I’m still not doing too good and very anxious tonight tho. Please send virtual hugs.
Edit: I may have just posted a hype comment in the PS thread but really I’m just restless and stressed tonight.

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:people_hugging:

Stay strong man.

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Feeling bad during the night vs. the day feels worse somehow. I’m sorry. I hope by now that you at least feel a little better, Chicken :blue_heart::chicken::people_hugging:

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That sounds miserable and you’re a better soul than I am.

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Glad to hear you’re receiving professional help, it’s always the better idea. Get better soon :people_hugging:

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We’re at the point now where we’re gonna have to call children and youth cause she ran off with her kid again last night without saying anything while I was mowing the lawn.

She went to the city and was doing things she shouldn’t be doing especially with a 7 Year old around. My Aunt didn’t get home til 10:30-11 last night (keep in mind the little one has school im the morning and didn’t do her homework yet.)

I’m gonna be chewing my aunt out when I get home from work. I’ll be taking the little one for ice cream alone and see what she has to say just so I can get a grasp of the situation before we report anything.

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You’re good people for trying your best to house your aunt and your cousins like that, but its horrible how she’s taken advantage of you too.

It sounds like a really awkward and tense situation with how often she just leaves her kids in your care.

I have no idea what advice I could give you but I’m glad to hear you’re not afraid to stand your ground where possible. :people_hugging::white_heart:

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Actually before I deleted it my earlier comment had a second part that went something like “maybe just get DCFS to come take the kid away. Then you can boot the aunt out and not feel bad.”

Anyway I’m glad you have an action plan.

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At the end of the day she is forcing our hands despite the warnings we gave. The child’s well-being matters to me more and it’s tough situation but morally speaking as an adult I have to do the right thing and get the child out of a situation that will harm her growth.

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