I feel like I already apologised for shooting too fast in response to the stabbing comment. Iām not gonna have you dictate me on deleting my posts and what opinions I can and canāt have. Even if they may offend you. Happy job search.
Oh please, are you actually serious? Iām a stranger on an game forum, you canāt demand me to delete my opinions or decide my apologies arenāt good enough for you and demand new ones. I hate to say it, but maybe thereās a reason you canāt hold a job if this is how you conduct yourself IRL too.
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Guys, I think itās time to maybe cool things down. Iād like to keep this thread being a positive and constructive outlet. If you really feel the need to settle things, you can take it to PMs, or if you really feel itās neccesary, perhaps involve a moderator.
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I was confused what you wanted from me considering you werenāt accepting my apology. I didnāt see your requests and demands as reasonable and declined to abide.
Do you want me to say Iām sorry my first apology wasnāt good enough so I apologise once more? Do you not see how odd that is mate?
??? I think Iāll just step away, this is getting too weird for me.
Everyone has nuance in their life, your statement given is how weāre gonna interpret what you did with a majority of your time. So yes with the information youāre feeding us, you by extension are allowing us to interpret it in anyway we want within rationale.
This is the last thing Iām gonna comment on with this. It sounds like a generalization of culture and that by no means should inhibit oneās ability for meaningful conversations. Your father can be pig-headed, but your culture isnāt an excuse for you to not do better. Iāll simply say this, take our feedback and advice and try to find solutions in them. Donāt search for excuses, thatās whatās gonna inevitably hold you back on growth and doing better. It often takes uncomfortable situations and breaking what is our norm to achieve new heights as people.
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So hereās an update on me and my situation. So whilst my cat is no longer with us unfortunately, Iāve been remembering him well and Iāve got plenty of reminders of the good times that I shared with him.
Recently, it was actually my birthday on the 7th of May. A few of you kind souls on this forum went out of your way to wish me well and say Happy Birthday, something I really am grateful for. You know who you are! Birthdays for me have always been a challenging affair, simply for the fact that theyāve always reminded me of the fact that I would be a year older on that day, and a year older into a life I still have many bad feelings towards.
Iāve always ran away from being the centre of attention, something which is a long term character attribute of mine. Itās another reason why birthdays have never been my thing - for instance, Iāve never once had a proper party ever nor have I even celebrated the day itself properly for more than a decade until my 22nd which was this year. One of my four sisters came down from where she lives to where I live and Iām really close with her. Iāve told her a lot about my mental woes, but not everything, as I know she got very emotional about me beforehand. It was really nice to have a change of scenery from the usual people I talk to day to day which are my parents, the two of whom I am not on good terms with as mentioned beforehand.
It was really nice to be able to forget the sad moments for a good time. The same goes with work too I suppose. Iām working more and more hours these days because I tend to find that my depression is concentrated most when Iām stuck and trapped at home whereas at work, I can put my mind to something and work with other people to remotely feel ānormalā. Itās a complicated way of describing the feeling but perhaps I am not going to be the only one who feels like it. I donāt want to say Iām running away from my problems, but maybe I am? I donāt know. I know my answer would remain the same if someone offered me a chance to reset my life or asked me if I didnāt want to live anymore as I donāt feel like I have much if anything to live for at the moment.
I still have no real idea what direction I will take my life in. There isnāt much opportunity at all for a young person like me in rural Devon. Sorry if I am rambling. I rarely ever get the chance to speak my mind these days, mainly because past trauma and living within an emotionally closed off culture in our family means any opportunity I took to speak out about my true feelings of discontent, were quickly shut down and I was made to feel like the whole problem. Thatās what it has always been like when talking to my parents. And then they accuse me of not talking to them, yeah, I wonder why!
Thank you for reading this everyone and once again I deeply appreciate the support, kindness and recent birthday wishes. I got a few nice gifts and bought myself some more Taylor Swift CDs which is a small recent pet project of mine. I really love her music because her some of her lyrics really connect with me in terms of the feelings of loss, disassociation and heartbreak. 
Thank you all and please take care!
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I canāt lie and say āI know how you feelā because I donāt, not completely at least.
Iāve been in a situation where my life was out of trails and I wanted to occupy myself with so much but that ended up being worse for me, I neither did important things I was supposed to be focusing on nor it improved my life, on the contrary actually. Why did I do it? To have something toā¦ live for, maybe? Just to not be like, just existing (because I would do bad things if I didnāt do anything).
The truth is, even though it may not seem like it sometimes, there is always something to live for. Try learning something new, or working on projects like you are now, because at least it will keep you busy, but probably will do much more for you.
Itās good to have someone to talk to, especially if itās family (your sister), and Iām sorry that you donāt get along with your parents. The best thing to do with toxic relatives is to avoid them.
I suggest inviting your sister over more often, if that feels good to you.
I wouldnāt say youāre running away from your problems, you found a way to deal with them (partially ar least), and thatās great!
Regarding work, Iām not the best person to talk about it.
I hope that this helps you a little and that everything works out for you!
Take care!
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Thank you very much! Yeah, itās definitely something me and her are trying to do as much as we can. Sheās busy working at university and for her hospital patients so she has limited time but Iāve always told her that itās thoughtful of her to come down and visit. So thank you.
Yeah, I mean, Iāve discovered a lot about myself since getting a job last Sept 2023. I learnt a lot of new social skills which has given me a new lease on some part of my life, so to speak. I do enjoy working (and rarely that sentiment is felt in a place like retail) but honestly working the quiet peaceful night shift is a good move in comparison to the trapped feeling Iād have with my parents at home when Iād have to listen to their forced diatribe about life in their eyes (which is completely at odds with what life is like for a young person with cost of living, inflation, lack of opportunity/incentives) as well them placing disappointment over me because I never went to university like my other sisters did.
I am planning on a few projects - I dedicate a lot of time to moderating a game website (Tank Trouble) and have been doing so since the age of 12 which I consider quite the feat! I am also trying to learn several important skills like driving and also general financial planning management. All of these skills I have to do so on my own, because Iāve never had any real assistance from my parents, whom are disinterested in me mostly other than wanting to receive their monthly rent payment of Ā£400 a month from me (I completely understand rent from normal landlords is much higher, but in the area I live in, coupled with the fact that I have no real independence or freedom to live as I please in the house as I have to put up with them shouting all the time every day pretty much even when Iām trying to sleep after a night shift!/them expecting me to do the housework etc, it really is not the best). I feel like Iāve only put up with it for so long because of how pitiful I feel my courage is to put up a fight. Mainly because I tried before, and I donāt want to become homeless in a town 200 miles away from anywhere I know well.
All in all, I deeply appreciate the response and thank you to all who read. No replies are necessary, I just appreciate this forum having the space to vent and speak about my feelings in a safer place.
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I just found out that my credit is pretty bad. I was aware to some degree, but like several different areas of my life I was trying to avoid finding out the severity. So hereās how it is. I started being really bad with my credit in 2018, the last year that I lived alone in my apartment. This coincides with some mental health issues that had begun to arise around this time, and also when my Hitman video output dropped by roughly 90%. I spent all of my available credit that year with hardly paying any of it back, and then I kept that up until 2023 when my card expired. At the time that my card expired, I hadnāt made a payment basically all year. At that point in time, I was coming off the heels of drug abuse and a head injury so I was hiding from absolutely everything in my life aside from taking care of my cat. So when they sent me a new card but it didnāt have an activation code, I kind of just ignored it and used it as an excuse to stop abusing my credit card.
Itās two years later, and I finally tried to get a new card reissued. It turned out that my account had been suspended, and I needed to pay off my card in full in order to get it unsuspended. Iāve since learned that even after paying it off like they requested, my account still does not meet the criteria for reactivation because of my horrible credit score.
My credit score used to be perfect. I didnāt just pay it off every month, I paid off every purchase I made within hours, I did not fuck around. When I went to apply for insurance when I first moved into my apartment, they had to make sure I understood that my credit was incredible because it looked like I wasnāt aware. I was, I just didnāt see it as a big deal because it had always been natural for me to stay on top of things.
My life has gone to shit. Iāve ruined everything, and itās all that I think about. So I just sit in my bedroom and continue to ignore my life, because if I have to really face what Iāve done the weight will be crushing.
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Iām no professional, but I can always hear you guys out and try to give some sort of help.
I know that it seems that you ruined everything. But you need to stop thinking about that all the time. It wasnāt your fault. As you said, your life used to be perfectly on tracks before, what stops it from being on tracks again?
You had a shitty time, Iām sorry for that, that kind of stuff happens. A lot of bad things happened to you at that same time. You wanna make your life better. The fact that you tried to reissue your card only show that.
Financial issues suck, and Iām not sure if you have an income source, but thereās always opportunities for you to get your life back in order. Some call it fate, others call it coincidence, but when you need it, itās always there for you. Everything has a purpose, even if it doesnāt look that way. I know that you can do it. I trust you.
Iām sorry that I canāt be of much help. Hell, I have mental complexes of my own, and I donāt have a clue about finances. I can only hope that things work out for you soon.
Take care!
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Having a bad credit score is not the end of the world. It only matters if you choose to take up more debt.
I donāt know your entire situation, but if you have an income, the most obvious step is ājustā to spend less than you earn and put the excess towards debts. When you get into green again, youāll feel much better. It may take 2 years, maybe 5, it doesnāt really matter how long. If I were you Iād plot out some calculations for a timeline and start tracking my spending to see if I could save a bit more in some areas.
Youāve got this, mate.
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