Do you want me to say Iām sorry my first apology wasnāt good enough so I apologise once more? Do you not see how odd that is mate?
Well, thanks, I guess. Apology accepted.
Yeah, letās put this to rest right now.
??? I think Iāll just step away, this is getting too weird for me.
Everyone has nuance in their life, your statement given is how weāre gonna interpret what you did with a majority of your time. So yes with the information youāre feeding us, you by extension are allowing us to interpret it in anyway we want within rationale.
This is the last thing Iām gonna comment on with this. It sounds like a generalization of culture and that by no means should inhibit oneās ability for meaningful conversations. Your father can be pig-headed, but your culture isnāt an excuse for you to not do better. Iāll simply say this, take our feedback and advice and try to find solutions in them. Donāt search for excuses, thatās whatās gonna inevitably hold you back on growth and doing better. It often takes uncomfortable situations and breaking what is our norm to achieve new heights as people.
5 Likes
So hereās an update on me and my situation. So whilst my cat is no longer with us unfortunately, Iāve been remembering him well and Iāve got plenty of reminders of the good times that I shared with him.
Recently, it was actually my birthday on the 7th of May. A few of you kind souls on this forum went out of your way to wish me well and say Happy Birthday, something I really am grateful for. You know who you are! Birthdays for me have always been a challenging affair, simply for the fact that theyāve always reminded me of the fact that I would be a year older on that day, and a year older into a life I still have many bad feelings towards.
Iāve always ran away from being the centre of attention, something which is a long term character attribute of mine. Itās another reason why birthdays have never been my thing - for instance, Iāve never once had a proper party ever nor have I even celebrated the day itself properly for more than a decade until my 22nd which was this year. One of my four sisters came down from where she lives to where I live and Iām really close with her. Iāve told her a lot about my mental woes, but not everything, as I know she got very emotional about me beforehand. It was really nice to have a change of scenery from the usual people I talk to day to day which are my parents, the two of whom I am not on good terms with as mentioned beforehand.
It was really nice to be able to forget the sad moments for a good time. The same goes with work too I suppose. Iām working more and more hours these days because I tend to find that my depression is concentrated most when Iām stuck and trapped at home whereas at work, I can put my mind to something and work with other people to remotely feel ānormalā. Itās a complicated way of describing the feeling but perhaps I am not going to be the only one who feels like it. I donāt want to say Iām running away from my problems, but maybe I am? I donāt know. I know my answer would remain the same if someone offered me a chance to reset my life or asked me if I didnāt want to live anymore as I donāt feel like I have much if anything to live for at the moment.
I still have no real idea what direction I will take my life in. There isnāt much opportunity at all for a young person like me in rural Devon. Sorry if I am rambling. I rarely ever get the chance to speak my mind these days, mainly because past trauma and living within an emotionally closed off culture in our family means any opportunity I took to speak out about my true feelings of discontent, were quickly shut down and I was made to feel like the whole problem. Thatās what it has always been like when talking to my parents. And then they accuse me of not talking to them, yeah, I wonder why!
Thank you for reading this everyone and once again I deeply appreciate the support, kindness and recent birthday wishes. I got a few nice gifts and bought myself some more Taylor Swift CDs which is a small recent pet project of mine. I really love her music because her some of her lyrics really connect with me in terms of the feelings of loss, disassociation and heartbreak. 
Thank you all and please take care!
1 Like