Thatâs a motivating way of putting it. I really appreciate your words. 
It would be a good idea to use that photo as incentive. And youâre right, a plan would be good to think of next.
Today, I ended up hanging out with a friend and that helped clear some of the bad headspace. Your reply meant a lot too. Honestly, thank you, @Gontranno47 . I hope you have a good rest of your week.
Anything I can do to help 
Iâm glad you have a support system in your friend and are taking time for yourself. Brooding can be good to process things, but so easily it can turn into hours of thinking in circles. You should give yourself permission to do some things that are mindless fun like gaming or going for walks
Definitely keep that photo as an incentive - thatâs the âbeforeâ photo and some day youâll take the âafterâ Something that might be worth planning is weight and sleep, because you can track those numerically.
If you keep a notepad and pen next to your bed, you can write the time when you go to bed and when you wake up, and use a number out of 5 to denote the quality of sleep you got. That way you could see what works and how much sleep time you need to feel better (probably around 7-8 hours). A good way to get a baseline is to sleep without an alarm and see what time you wake up.
You could do the same with weekly weighing and taking monthly photos to track your progress.
It doesnât seem like much, but if you put that data into a spreadsheet every month to visualise it, itâll boost your confidence so much to see how your quality of sleep and general wellbeing has significantly changed. Then, youâll look back at that original photo and see how much youâve healed.
Until then, youâve always got us to talk to if youâd like, I could set myself a reminder to check in with you a month from now
I hate everything.
Paraphrasing @SilentWraith
Seriously though, are you alright?
Breathe brother! Please allow yourself some still time before react to whatever it was. If you would like to/need to vent this is a safe place for it.
I have been in that headspace before Mano! Sorry youâre feeling that way now though. Hang in there. Perhaps there is some other type of job that is a nice fit for you; the searching is never pleasant though, so I wish you well.
Also, every honest days work has dignity, no matter how often the fucked up world we live in likes to put down so called âno skillâ or âlow skillâ jobs: all jobs require skill(s). My point is if you end up cleaning bathrooms or painting houses there is as much dignity in those jobs as being a physician or teaching children.
Sending 
hugs
Your life is not over.
Stressing over other peopleâs opinion is a very normal thing to do, but itâs ultimately pointless. I know our brains arenât always able to think rationally about these things. You probably arenât as weird as you think. You are you, and thatâs perfectly fine.
I know itâs hard, but try to stop focusing on the past. Write a list of shit you want/need to do, however small, and work on it one day at a time. Stop comparing yourself to the people around you. Youâre not them and they are not you. Itâs very natural to have relationships go dormant/fall apart at your age. Maybe itâs time to enter a club and make new connections? You like drone stuff right?
You are more than welcome to write a pm to me and we can link up on discord and just shoot shit if you want.
So you donât wanna live, you donât wanna work, but you donât wanna die. Thatâs⌠complicated.
If the main reason is because people will think youâre weird, I tell you this: Fuck what people think.
Hey Iâm late on this one so I wonât re-hash what everyone else has said. Though I definitely agree that the opinions of others rarely matter, nor have a physical impact.
âWeirdâ is often a term society uses for people that donât fit in. With the amount of apathy, ignorance and complacency in modern society, they say it like itâs a bad thing that you donât follow suit. It sounds to me that youâre a very details oriented person, that you strive for quality over quantity, and that although youâre able to work, you havenât found the right environment that complements your mindset. Itâs not that you donât have the skills, itâs that you havenât found a place that values them how they should. Something in a forensic or legal field may be of interest to you, where obsessing over the finer details is rewarded, not shunned.
But remember also that employment doesnât define who you are, you matter regardless of what you do for a living or even if youâre unemployed, or youâre self-employed from home.
If the CEO doesnât come in, the company survives because their deputies run things. If the janitors donât come in, the company doesnât last a month because they canât operate with their corridors clogged and their toilets overflowing
You want change, you want an out. The thing is we never know what tomorrow brings, you just know that what you are experiencing right now is overwhelming.
When things are hard. I always found comfort in the thought, that I never have to relive the same day twice. Even if tomorrow sucks, then it wonât be yesterday.
I hope the best and I believe that at some point it will come, a small unforeseen change can topple mountains.
Thanks for the support, guys. Iâve calmed down a bit, I really need money so Iâm going to try and enlist my drone services online and see if I can get any hits. I recently helped a friend out with a drone shoot for their job and it went well, might as well try to do more of that. I think that not having money is part of whatâs making me so anxious, so fixing that might be a good start. My mom also thinks I might be kind of obsessive compulsive, and whether or not I am therapy wouldnât be a terrible call so I might do that soon.
Iâve thought about this or maybe working in medicine to some capacity, but I would have to redo a lot of high school subjects online because my grades are awful. Thatâs doable, but the amount of time that would be involved tempts me into seeing it as insurmountable.
Youâre right, though I must admit that itâs difficult to get past. I do fall into the trap of thinking that Iâm a mind reader, when I probably do misread peopleâs thoughts and intents more often than I think. Not caring at all does seem like a better way of dealing with this particular matter.
Thatâs a good, constructive idea. Iâll do that because I could see it helping. The past is hard to let go of I guess because I feel like thereâs a way that things are âsupposedâ to be, and when they look like they might not be anymore it really stresses me out.
Aside from enlisting drone services, I was thinking maybe trying door-to-door sales? At least for the time being. I am okay at baking but not at a professional level, Iâve thought of trying to apply at a bakery or somewhere related maybe.
I hope youâre right, it would be pretty amazing to leave this fucked up place that Iâve been for the past while.
Therapy would be a good thing regardless, and a job would be a good way of paying for that - whether that comes from drone services, baking, etc.
In the meantime, you could ask yourself why youâre feeling the things you are. Why something not being completely how you think it should be is an issue. Often in obsessive compulsion, itâs based on the belief that something is inherently wrong or that something bad will come about because something wasnât straight or in the right place. It might help you to make or do something that isnât how itâs âsupposedâ to be, and simply let it be. Itâll be uncomfortable at first, but you can see that itâs fine as it is. Iâm not saying this as a catch-all cure for obsessive compulsion, but it can helpful to be in a mindset where a picture can be slightly crooked and youâre not restless and fidgeting. Especially as in jobs like baking, every foodstuff is going to come out the oven very slightly differently to each other. Thereâs a lot of stress and wasted time in adjusting everything to be juuust right.
As for high school exams, you should be able to find a private center that lets you just sit the exams, without having to go through the whole multi-year course. Thatâs what I do whenever I find myself needing a qualification Iâll probably never use again: book an exam at a center and buy a textbook.
I truly believe that, change can come in many shapes and forms. You might not notice it, you may not expect it, but nothing stays the same.
Personally I really like the saying, you donât have to relive the same day twice.
Itâs wild what even just doing 20 pushups each morning and making the bed can do for your outlook.
I feel like everyone hates me and thereâs no point to living
I like you Itâs nice to be liked, but better to like yourself. Why do you feel thereâs no point?
I am gay and I live in Russia. Could my life be any worse?
Just to be clear, are you suggesting such because of both things, or because of how one is affected in relation to another? Never know, so I wanted to be sure.
Things are finally changing.
Iâve chronicled the trials and tribulations of specific family members living underneath the same roof as me. To say itâs been easy would be an overstatement cause it hasnât.
I wonât post a grandiose statement chronicling my grievances or how I feel. Cause I donât have ill will towards anyone no matter what they say or do to me.
So lâll speak from a place of earnest intent. Even if me saying this directly to them wonât make much difference.
Each and every one of you deserve peace of mind and despite the difficulties and differences. I say this as an act of good faith.
I wonât vindicate myself, let alone rationalize my purpose and role within this house in an attempt to undermine personal histories. So Iâll leave it at this.
I hope in the next chapter of your lives, you prosper and thrive.
Friday is the day, Iâm off on Friday. Iâll be posting one last time about this after everything is said and done.
Thank you HMF for what support you all brought during these last two years.
Good for you for saying it homosexuality is legal, but âpromotingâ it isnât - and the wording of the law on that is pretty flexible, especially when LGBT organizations can be classed as extremist groups. You canât be arrested for being gay, but youâre likely still finding bias in a lot of places.
The majority of Russians I know donât care either way, even when so-called opinion polls say things like 90% of the population believe itâs wrong. That just tells me that 90% donât want to give an answer that is classed as promoting it. The minority that do attack gay people usually do it with passive aggressive remarks or discrimination in hiring and firing. Unfortunately, you have no sexuality-based rights when it comes to protection, but donât forget that you have your standard citizenâs rights still.
Itâs the 1% of that minority that worries me, the people that will physically attack homosexuals. Theyâre probably not any more numerous than in any other country, but the lack of legal protections and informal government approval means these people feel they can attack more readily without repercussions. Make sure to stay away from Chechnya, where this seems to be more prevalent.
On the other end of the spectrum, St. Petersburg has a huge LGBT scene. Itâs fine to attend the businesses, just donât register with them so you donât get accused of collaboration