Iâd say itâs also very important to recognize itâs also where and how you grew up.
Atleast for me here in America growing up in the 2000âs I had neighbors who were a married gay couple. Good folk, completely normal men. Parents would invite them to the Halloween parties we would have and they were accepted like anyone else.
And then even in middle school we had a GSA club which was the Gay Straight Alliance club where once a week for a hour after-school people would gather and it would be a social and safe place for anyone and everyone simply trying to navigate their sexuality especially as youâre trying to figure stuff out as a someone going through puberty as awkward as it is.
On the flip side I also experienced a school district who didnât have these opportunities, cause it was a tighter more niche community where everyone knew each other. And because of this it facilitated behavior where you couldnât directly come out as gay, so you remained a bisexual who date women but behind closed doors had sexual relationships with other men. And this extended beyond the school district and amongst the community where married men when their wives were away would partake in this behavior aswell.
Today, I see occasionally kids who enter the work force they developed a mentality to identify your sexual orientation right off the bat rather than the âall our shit stinksâ mindset of who cares. This has become an issue which weâve been addressing and attempting to course correct after some had falsely identified people as such cause they have a âgay until proven straightâ headspace.
I donât know fully how it is in other countries, it would be ignorant of me to assume itâs all the same, but I hope I brought additional perspective on how things are in my little corner of the west.
Some of the only people Iâve ever considered friends decided to drop contact with me completely for no reason I was already feeling terrible before then but now I just donât know what to do
Itâs the sudden loss thatâs the worse, because you have no explanation and end up blaming yourself. And the people youâd normally turn to for help are the same ones that are ignoring you
If people have issues with you, they can only be helped if they talk with you. If they donât, then that is sad but then you should not shed any more tears than they seem to do. That is even more true if they ignore you trying to reach out to them.
Well put like you, Iâve seen both ends of the spectrum. The acceptance and encouragement in some communities, through to those that consider it a contagious mental illness that sees people getting out the pitchforks.
I havenât heard of a GSA club, they sound cool!
There has definitely been a shift in some parts of the world from hiding sexuality to overemphasizing it. Some countries are progressing at different rates to others, but one day weâll reach a point where sexual orientation doesnât matter. Then people will find some other inherent trait to arbitrarily persecution each other over
Both things, of course. Itâs not about gays-only thing. Putin and his government puppets think any people without power are irritating junk. Furthermore, in the war conditions, men are just fresh juicy meat for him. They donât count them, they are truly enjoying their war campaign, as if they have been playing Hearts of Iron IV.
You can stay away from Chechnya, but Chechnya canât stay away from you. Other ârussianâ islamic republics donât differ so much. 1%? Islamic homophobes are everywhere, in the buses, on the streets, in the shops. And I tell you what, islamic culture spreads too fast in Russia. Much faster than it spreads in Europe. Itâs definitely not the 1% who want/can kill gays. I live near Kazakhstan. So the life here is not as terrible as in Chechnya, but also not as pleasant as in St.Petersburg or Moscow and still very dangerous.
Codename-24, you are one of the most active and friendliest people on the Forum, without you a lot of great conversations and posts wouldnât have been made. Without you a good friendship wouldnâ exist with a lot of different people. Donât have these doubts, your friends might have left you without an explanation, but I can assure you, it is NOT because you are a hated figure. Youâre amazing and quite frankly that is there loss because its always nice to see when you post and what youâre getting up to. Imagine sorry I didnât see this earlier. I know a lot of people would be really upset if you werenât here.
Had 2 weeks off work recently. Felt good during it, felt stable. Been back at work now. Feel terrible, uneasy. I feel so fragile, like just one small thing can break me. I often feel like a child, feeling so incapable, and when I try and attempt something, Iâll fail and wonder why I thought it was even possible to begin with.
Trying to hire someone to clear out the plants that have infested my drain pipes. My next door neighbour complained at me about it yesterday, heâs really unhappy since the plants in the pipes seem to be getting onto his side of the property and affecting his drainage. I donât understand why it is so hard to be able to find someone who can deal with it. I always have this issue with tradesmen, just finding the right one to do a job and them actually coming and doing it. Itâs the kind of thing that normal adults can do fine but when I do, it just seems so difficult.
Applying for a job, trying to write a cover letter. Really want to break out of the current job because I know it is just bad for my mental health, even though the job itself isnât that hard.
Nobody in the history of mankind has ever managed to find someone, book them to take a look at the job, then actually return to do the job, and then complete the job. Thatâs four consecutive rolls of the dice and even then they charge extortionate rates! Doesnât matter if itâs plumbing, electrics, roofing, landscaping, youâre not alone in thinking âWhat does it take to find someone in 100 mile radius who can fix this problem?â
With things like that, I find itâs much better to do it yourself (if you can), because you save so much time and stress on unreliable people. Sounds like youâd benefit from a plumberâs snake, an enzymatic drain cleaner and a thick pair of gloves. You can get grabber things with hooks on the end too. Mine probably need doing soon too
While youâre at it, consider buying a full set of equipment for plumbing, fixing locks, taking up or letting out clothes, watch repair, taking up paving slabs, repointing, painting walls and ceilings, recarpetting and laying floorboards (to find that squeaky joist), and upstairs window cleaning I donât pick up the phone unless itâs major electrical work because I know itâll be weeks for someone to even take a look! In that time I could learn to rotate my own tires and save a hundred bucks in the process!
Thank you for the advice. The issue is that the drainpipes go up 2 stories, and thereâs just no way I can climb up that high on a ladder, and then onto the roof. I just donât have the stomach for it.
Yeah things like that are usually best left to those who picked to do that for their job but itâs so frustrating trying to get someone! Maybe the next time the neighbor complains, you could ask if they know someone who you could hire to do it, because youâre getting nowhere with the ones youâre trying. It would show to them you are at least trying to get it fixed
A crafty method I donât recommend but have seen done is tell the worker human that itâs a bigger (more lucrative) job than it really is, then reduce the job once theyâve done the bit you actually wanted them to do. Or maybe even see if someone you know has a drone you could try it with in return for cooking them lunch?
I got back to school today. Actually, classes returned on Thursday, but a lot of people didnât go. Iâve been wanting to change some things in my life, especially my school life when it comes to relations with my classmates and colleagues.
There are some bridges I want to burn because they lead to bad places. Other bridges are in my building plans. However, I have zero clue of how to do that. Up until 2023 I had few to no real friends. My luck is that I am socially able and rather fun, so I was able to make friends, especially in 2024. But now I am kinda lost. My friendships and camaraderies were basically luck, environment and fate. Same thing with the end of them. Like, if someone talks to me, we become friends or comrades, whatever it is, not just colleagues anymore. But I lack the initiative. For example, the only friend I have outside of my class is friends with other friends from my class, because the people from the other classes, although part of my grade, are less regulars () than my class.
Anyway, this doesnât need or is even fit for advice, I just wanted to speak about life and change. Of course, if you want to say something, I will be glad to speak with you!
Best of luck with all the new bridgework. Kicking old pals and finding new ones is never fun. I moved a few times in my life so I got used to the shuffle.
I canât like for now so Iâll say thanks and add some context just for it not to be an âemptyâ post.
I moved from the 4th largest city in the world to a small countryside town. I had no friends in the big city, and I finally got friends in the small town. I chaged schools in my first year and I realized the friends I made when I moved werenât the only people in the world and there were other very nice people. Unfortunately they are very antissocial and I couldnât really make more friends properly, but I still managed some. Currently the new new friends are nicer than some new old friends, but I have several obstacles in the way which canât be easily explained.
I think youâre great, and like what other people said before, a really kind member of this forum community and someone whose opinions are well appreciated! Thereâs a lot of characters on this forum and Iâm often in the background as a reader only, but I mean it when I say that I always enjoy reading your posts! So Iâm really sorry youâre feeling like this and I want you to know that those thoughts inside your head that point to the truth that your mind has shaped itself around, isnât what you think it to be. Thereâs so much proof to the contrary to say that people do indeed like you.
I know how you feel when you mentioned your friends or so you thought that they were, abandoning you. Iâll try to message you (if you want to) when Iâm offwork and I can talk to you more if you like. I never like to see good people such as yourself suffer alone. I know exactly how that feels so I donât like to see it happen.
And that goes for everyone in here, Iâm sorry about all of the issues youâre going through. Iâm glad that some of you have found additional solace in the fact that this is a safe space for you to vent and message about the issues youâre facing. Stay safe out there folks!
My dad died yesterday morning.
After being cleared of bowel cancer last year, he was diagnosed with cancer in the liver, spine and lung. So this has been coming a long time, however a few weeks ago we thought we still had a few years with him.
He was at home for it. He had a final week surrounded by friends and family, enjoying some glasses of cider in his own bed, until he couldnât carry on anymore. It was as peaceful as it could be.
Itâs been very hard, especially for my mum of course, but sheâs got lots of support mostly from me and my brother. Iâm not someone who wears their emotions on their sleeve, I donât talk about my feelings, I never cry, ever over anything, and I have not throughout the whole thing. But when the undertaker left I just broke down sobbing on my sister-in-law.
Weâre all doing alright though, as well as we can be. We have lots of great memories. But itâs going to be very weird without him now. I just needed to write all this out, I guess to process it a bit.
Iâm sorry to hear about your father and Iâm sure the pain is still raw. Even when itâs semi-expected, itâs still a shock and nothing prepares you for the sudden absence.
Youâre all doing the right things the support system, talking about it and processing it, even when youâre not normally open with your emotions in that way. It will take a long time, but time will fade the pain to a dull ache and remove the sting from the good memories
I lost my stepdad to metastatic cancer 5 years ago and I can still get teary eyed in quiet moments with wandering thoughts of him. He was a good man. He was still being funny as shit right up until the end lol.
How old was your dad? What did he like to do? Do you have any favourite memory with him you want to share? Donât feel obliged to answer at all, itâs up to you.
And donât feel bad for sobbing! Iâm not saying you do, but men in general need to relax around it. Itâs a normal physical response and very helpful. I hope youâre okay.
like you, Iâve seen both ends of the spectrum. The acceptance and encouragement in some communities, through to those that consider it a contagious mental illness that sees people getting out the pitchforks.
I donât pick up the phone unless itâs major electrical work because I know itâll be weeks for someone to even take a look! In that time I could learn to rotate my own tires and save a hundred bucks in the process!
a jack and a socket wrench
but itâs so frustrating trying to get someone! Maybe the next time the neighbor complains, you could ask if they know someone who you could hire to do it, because youâre getting nowhere with the ones youâre trying. It would show to them you are at least trying to get it fixed
) than my class.